


chasing tomorrow

by redsyub



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Groundhog Day (1993) Fusion, Alternate Universe - Police, Banter, Eventual Smut, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Supernatural Elements, Tenderness, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:15:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28648887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsyub/pseuds/redsyub
Summary: On September 19th, Seungkwan goes through a series of unfortunate events and deems it as the worst day of the year, hoping he never has to go through a day like it ever again.The next day, the world resets back to September 19th and the world beneath his feet shifts.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Comments: 18
Kudos: 46
Collections: Seventeen Rare Pair Fest: 2 Rare 2 Pair





	chasing tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SVTRarePairFest2](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SVTRarePairFest2) collection. 



> **Prompt:**  
>  Jun and Seungkwan get stuck in a time loop together. They could be strangers like the movie Palm Springs (see link), or they could be friends when they get stuck...and maybe one or both of them has been pining for each other. Up to you how they get out of it.
> 
> Any rating!  
> MCD or graphic depictions of violence are fine within the time loop but preferably everyone is alive at the end. No non-con or underage please!
> 
>   
> hello! i'm putting this **disclaimer first** — this is a time loop fic and there is mention of temporary character death (tw: car accident), but it's more like blink, and you'll honestly miss it. there is also mild violence but nothing is depicted explicitly. the theme could get dark at times because of the fic revolving around police and its investigative procedures, but i promise this fic is primarily meant to be a funny fic and secondarily meant to be a funny fic as well. it has a happy ending and everyone lives!  
> even though I have a good idea of how police agencies work, i'm not familiar with their workings in south korea so please excuse me for any inaccuracies. all characters that aren't members of seventeen are fictional.  
> thank you to the mods of this fest for organising this!  
>   
>  **meaning of terms** used in fic:  
> gyongjang: senior police officer  
> gyongwi: inspector  
> bulgogijip: fire meat (usually beef) restaurant  
> gamgyul: tangerines found in jeju  
> jopok: korean mob  
> hyungnim: mob boss  
> KNPA: korean national police agency  
> SMPA: seoul metropolitan police agency  
> pāli canon: sacred book of buddhism  
> jjigae: stew  
> everland: theme park in south korea  
> insamgongsa: daejeon korea ginseng corporation (KGC) is a women's volleyball team  
> gopchang: grilled intestines
> 
> this fic is very precious to me and i enjoyed writing it. i hope you enjoy reading it as well! ♥  
>   
> and now after the reveals, i can finally say that this is my love letter to two men who have given me a lot of joy.

A pleasant, gentle melody fills the room as Seungkwan wakes up to his senses and reaches for his phone placed on the night-stand to turn off the alarm. The sun filters into his room through the sheer curtains and Seungkwan tells himself that it’s a new dawn, a new day, a new light to achieve _nothing monumental_ in life. 

It’s debilitating to do the same thing again and again and expect a different result every single time. The reason why Seungkwan wakes up with such pessimistic thoughts is that he reached a dead end last night with all his leads in the case he’s been working on. Just yesterday, he thought he was _so close_ to catching the killer of Lim Jeongmun, member of the National Assembly from Geumcheon constituency, and proving that the alleged suicide was an elaborate assassination plan from the opposing party. 

Unfortunately, all his tribulations blew up in his face as he realised he was running after fumes. He would blame his partner Soonyoung for not cross-checking their resources but what’s done is done, and they are back to square one. 

Who said working as a police officer in Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency would be a piece of cake anyway? 

He gets out of his bed and walks over to the window that was supposedly installed for ventilation and lighting purposes _only_ as it gives no view because it faces the back alley, a barely 3 metres pathway that separates two housing buildings. People in his apartment complex usually cover the window with curtains or have their windows tinted. But Seungkwan likes to see the _positive_ side of things (sometimes).

From this particular window, he has the ideal view of his neighbour’s window who lives in the apartment complex opposite his. And watching the man first thing in the morning, in simple words, is _much better_ than watching the bright blue skies, the green grass and the orange sun that he can conveniently see from his other window. 

Seungkwan still hasn’t woken up to his complete senses so when he spots a fat, brown rat loitering around on his windowsill, his first reaction is to scream at the top of his lungs. The stubborn rat isn’t even fazed by his shrieks and lingers on the windowsill, nibbling on god knows what. The worst part is that the window is open and one _daring and wrong_ move on the rat’s part will have it wreaking havoc inside Seungkwan’s apartment. 

His instincts finally kick in, and he runs towards the kitchen and grabs the broom to hopefully push it off the edge. Seungkwan scurries back to his room and without thinking much, tries to intimidate the rat by hitting the end of the broom around it so that fear strikes inside the rat’s mind, and it hopefully runs away.

His spirits skyrocket through the sky as he watches the rat _finally_ leave his windowsill. Seungkwan starts to celebrate this small achievement by jumping around and jiggling the broom in his hand. Because his brain is still addled from sleep, the broom easily slips from his grip and flies off in a _perfect trajectory,_ out of his window, and straight towards his neighbour’s window. 

Seungkwan watches the next set of events take place in _mortifying horror._ The neighbour was apparently standing at the window and witnessing Seungkwan’s obnoxious, _one-sided duel_ with the rat. And because everything was happening so fast, the man didn’t even have time to process the situation and the end of the broom hit his face dead-on. 

The man _yelps_ in pain and Seungkwan’s heart _sinks_ into his chest. 

“Jun-ssi!” Seungkwan yells, his hands reaching his head and putting pressure over it out of absolute distress.

Seungkwan’s neighbour — _Jun-ssi. Moon Junhwi. Wen Junhui._

He can’t believe that Junhui got hurt _because_ of him. The same Junhui who brings Seungkwan so much happiness just by his existence. The same Junhui who looks like an angel, the definition of textbook handsome with his long nose, big and dark eyes and beautiful lips.

Yes, Seungkwan isn’t ashamed to admit that he has a crush on Junhui which is _as big as the sun._

Junhui has his hand covering his face, and it looks like the man is in a lot of pain. 

“Jun-ssi! I’m terribly sorry! I didn’t mean it,” Seungkwan rambles sincere words of apology. He wants to help. He doesn’t know _how_ he’ll do that, but he wants to because Junhui got hurt, and it _breaks_ Seungkwan’s heart a little. Plus, he needs to act fast so that his image in front of Junhui is not ruined although, in the back of his mind, Seungkwan knows there is _no escape_ from this mortifying ordeal. 

Seungkwan sees his non-existent love life burning up in flames. All because of a _stupid, stubborn rat._

“Can I help yo–”

_“No!”_ Junhui quickly interrupts Seungkwan in his fruity voice that’s laced in agony. “It’s okay, Seungkwan-ssi. I should probably find some ointment for this.” And with that, Junhui closes his window and walks further into his apartment, away from Seungkwan’s line of sight. 

Seungkwan hasn’t even brushed his teeth yet and his day is off to a bad start. His life truly seems to be at the _peak_ of a series of unfortunate events. 

On top of it all, he is so not looking forward to showing up at the police station and getting berated for submitting a report which would be stating that he along with Soonyoung used up costly resources and still have zero progress on the case.

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan expected it. He knew he was going to get chastised but the knowledge of his imminent future does not negate the fact that it still feels like shit. 

“What are you two doing? Just answer me honestly.” Inspector Jeonghan’s tired voice rings in Seungkwan’s ears.

“It was my fault,” Soonyoung immediately speaks up. Seungkwan glances at his partner and his expression appears guilty yet determined, like he is willing to take all the punishments, even Seungkwan’s share. This sacrificial behaviour from Soonyoung’s end _doesn’t_ sit right in Seungkwan’s head. Mostly because he believes that Jeonghan will see something positive in this and probably lionise Soonyoung in front of the whole department as the _ideal officer._

_“No!_ It was my fault that I didn’t properly check the authenticity of our leads,” Seungkwan raises his voice a bit and notices Jeonghan’s eyebrows twitch from irritation. The latter brings his hands to his forehead and presses them in hopes to alleviate the headache. 

“Do you think this murder case of a very high-profiled politician is some kind of joke?” Jeonghan’s voice sounds tight and devoid of any humour. He finally stops massaging his forehead and looks at Seungkwan and Soonyoung with fury pulsating in his eyes. “I don’t have the energy to even berate you both. Just consider this your last warning. If you can’t handle the case then I have no problem assigning someone else who’ll take this more seriously. _Is that clear?”_ Jeonghan practically screams the last question and Seungkwan is sure that his voice echoed loudly in the whole station.

Great. 

Now the whole department would know that Seungkwan and Soonyoung got reprimanded by the Inspector. Seungkwan can’t wait to get ridiculed by Hansol and Wonwoo. 

“Yes, Gyongwi-nim!” Seungkwan and Soonyoung salute together while kicking their feet on the ground in synchronisation which is bound to come to them after being partners for about a year.

“You both are dismissed.” Jeonghan reliefs them and grabs a manila folder from the pile on his desk.

_September 19._

Seungkwan thinks that September 19 is officially the _worst day of this year_ and just wants this day to end as soon as possible. He wouldn’t even be surprised if a catastrophe were to suddenly materialise over Seoul in the coming hours. In fact, he would gladly welcome it. That way, his _lovely neighbour_ Junhui will forget about the tragic mishap of this morning and Jeonghan may forget about the errors committed by the two officers.

As of now, Seungkwan knows that he along with Soonyoung are walking on a tightrope. One wrong move, one little misstep will result in them losing the case and getting _branded_ as defamed officers. They won’t get any on-site cases to solve and probably end up recording crime reports they receive from the civilians. It is like the worst fate for a police officer in Seungkwan’s opinion, and he _can’t afford_ that. 

This day needs to end fast because only _new dawn_ can bring the change in the dreadful atmosphere surrounding Seungkwan. 

  
  


===

  
  


“You know, these things happen man, and you can’t do anything about it. That’s just how it is. The best course of action is to forget about the past mistake and move on.” Hansol flounders while giving a speech as he tries to uplift Seungkwan’s mood. It's a slightly heart-warming gesture from the other man. 

Hansol is Seungkwan’s fellow police officer in the same station and sort of best friend. They both are from the same batch of the police academy and have known each other for a long time. Hansol is a highly intelligent man and knows obscure things. Seungkwan believes it is _unfair_ that his partner is Gyongjang Jeon Wonwoo, another highly intelligent officer. But he digresses. 

Hansol is a very practical man, but he is practical _to a fault._ His rationale usually has him impassive to human emotions. His opinions can sound _heart-wrenchingly_ harsh at times. 

So, getting consoled by Hansol is kind of a fresh experience but Seungkwan knows that it's _three bottles of soju_ inside his body talking right now, and he shouldn’t really fool himself.

Getting drunk in a bulgogijip with his co-workers after a shitty day might not be a wise decision but Seungkwan needs it. He needs to drink and forget that _today_ even happened. Plus, this after-work party was already planned four days ago, and he was one of the organisers. He couldn’t just back out at the last moment. The only thing he could do was sit at a seat the farthest away from Jeonghan’s and hide behind Hansol’s broad body. He is a gym rat after all.

Seriously, why is Hansol such a _perfect man?_

He imagines if he were a bit more like Hansol maybe Junhui will pay more attention to him. Then he starts to imagine Junhui and Hansol together and somehow, _in a very twisted manner,_ those two fit together. He wonders what charges would he face as a police officer for committing manslaughter out of baseless jealousy. Seungkwan shakes his resentful thoughts away and grabs his fifth bottle of soju, downing the whole content in one go.

  
  


The night shifts from bustling to eerily desolate and Seungkwan _drowns_ in another world. He forgets who he is for the time being and only sees the beautiful vision of an _ideal life._

Alcohol feels like a _piece of heaven_ that was bottled up by gods and gifted to mortals to escape the damnation of human life. Seungkwan ascends to this paradise and feels happy for no inexplicable reason. He imagines _befriending god_ and telling him about his issues. The immortal listens to him intently and gives him brilliant solutions. And then Seungkwan imagines a life where he is respected as one of the _top police officers_ in the Seoul Metropolitan Area and most importantly, he’s in a very _happy and fulfilling_ relationship with none other than Wen Junhui.

Seungkwan stands on top of the world and thinks that yes, life is bloody good.

===

  
  


Seungkwan wakes up to the gentle tune of his alarm clock and turns it off. The rays of the sun peek in through the sheer curtains and Seungkwan _can’t remember_ how he managed to come back to his house last night. In fact, he can’t remember how the night really ended. What is most surprising is he does not have a splitting headache from last night. Physically, he thinks he’s perfectly fine, a little _downtrodden_ because of his life in general but otherwise, he is alright.

Strange. 

For a second, Seungkwan is happy and thinks he’s finally defeated alcohol’s uncooperative powers. But then the realisation hits him that he’s so unhappy with his life that alcohol can’t even seem to perturb him.

Shaking away his distressing thoughts, he gets up and walks up to the window in hopes of catching a glimpse of Junhui. Maybe he can start the day by making things right with his neighbour. In his state of somnolence, he catches the rat loitering around his open window. Naturally, his first reaction is to scream but the sound gets stuck in his throat like a fish bone as he remembers the previous day. He remembers that this stubborn rat was doing the _same shit_ and its existence brutally bruised Seungkwan’s impression in Junhui’s eyes. 

Instead of screaming, Seungkwan starts to back away from the window stealthily, hoping to find something that will get rid of the rat.

“Seungkwan-ssi!” He looks out the window and finds Junhui looking at him with a panicked expression. “Don’t you _dare_ get the broom to hit the rat away.” 

Seungkwan would be lying if he said he isn’t befuddled by the circumstance. It’s a bit bizarre but in a very uncanny way, it's very _familiar_ as well. The rat resting on his windowsill happened yesterday and the recurrence of that can easily be a _coincidence._ But Junhui’s horrified face as he warns Seungkwan not to get a broom resembles something that can only come out from reliving a horrible _experience._ An experience where he got hurt by the broom from Seungkwan’s careless mistake. An experience that only occurred _yesterday._

Seungkwan scrutinises Junhui’s face and finds it to be flawless. Not just his usual-gorgeous-self flawless but free-from-any-contusion that he _should’ve_ had on his face. 

“Jun-ssi,” Seungkwan calls out the other man’s name in acknowledgement although his voice is hushed as he is still recovering from a lot of observations.

Junhui quickly fishes out his phone from his jeans and points it towards Seungkwan earnestly. It’s clear that Junhui’s face is coloured with terror but Seungkwan doesn’t know the basis of it. 

“Seungkwan-ssi, wake up! Look!” Junhui vigorously shakes the phone in his hand and Seungkwan can’t really make out what he’s supposed to look at. He can see his wallpaper and there are two people in it. One of them is surely Junhui. Seungkwan doesn’t know the other person and he sure as hell hopes the other person isn’t Junhui’s significant other or something.

“What am I looking at?” Seungkwan asks politely.

“The date! It’s Saturday, September 19. I’ve checked everywhere Seungkwan-ssi, my computer, the news, everything that is meant to tell me today’s date, and it’s September 19,” Junhui half-sputters and half-screams in frustration. His pretty eyes which always seem to look heavy from the lack of sleep appear _wild and confused._

September 19. Seungkwan wonders why that date sounds so awfully deleterious. 

_September 19._

Saturday, September 19.

Cognizance dawns upon Seungkwan’s consciousness. He feels as if the air has been sucked out from the room, and he’s suffocating in the vacuum. His head feels light, and he cannot feel the blood pumping in his veins. Everything comes to a standstill as he comes to a terrifying conclusion that it's September 19, a day that has already happened and was supposed to be the worst day of this year.

_What the fuck?_

Well. This can’t be real. Seungkwan is probably dreaming. Wen Junhui has probably, in his most humble opinion because it breaks his heart to even say anything bad about the other, lost his mind or something. Seungkwan quickly takes a u-turn and checks all his gadgets, his hands violently shaking from paranoia that is slowly creeping over him. Everywhere his eyes land, they see the same date flashing in front of him — September 19.

What in tarnation is this supposed to mean?

Without even washing his face or taming his wild bedhead strands, Seungkwan rushes out of his apartment. He spots his neighbour taking out the rubbish and immediately bombards him with unusual questions.

“Hey? What’s the date today? Hasn’t this day already happened? Did you notice anything weird about–” In a very expected manner, his neighbour looks at him like he’s grown a second head and backs away as quickly as he can. “Hey! Wait! Answer me, please! Don’t you close your door on–” His neighbour slams the door on his face.

_‘Rude!’_ Seungkwan mentally screams at his neighbour. 

He turns away and starts to make his way to the only person who is apparently sailing in the same boat as him. Seungkwan walks down to the building next door and mentally calculates the apartment that Junhui might be living in. He presses the number _2-0-6_ on the intercom and waits for Junhui to buzz him in.

It’s a novel experience to finally see Junhui’s apartment from the inside as compared to how he usually sees glimpses of it through the window. It’s a standard one-bedroom place which has an open hall with kitchen attached in the corner. The layout of the apartment isn’t much different from Seungkwan’s. But the latter finds this place _mesmerising_ just because it's Junhui’s. His lovesick eyes promptly ignore the homely mess which usually irks him.

Seungkwan doesn’t know if he should internally freak out over the fact that Junhui’s face mirrors his — ashen skin, blown-out pupils, sweat visible over his skin and hair in absolute disarray or lose his goddamn mind over the fact that for now, both of them might be _only ones_ who are experiencing a repeat of the previous day.

“Seungkwan-ssi?” Junhui’s voice sounds weak and dithers by the end of the call. 

“Junhwi-ssi,” Seungkwan acknowledges Junhui helplessly.

“I talked to a few people. Neighbours, friends, colleagues. Few of them told me to rest for the day. One of them volunteered to take me to the psychiatric ward of the hospital,” Junhui relays while bobbing his head and looking at the floor with clouded eyes. “You are the only one–” He amends his words. “I guess it’s just the two of us who are aware that this day has happened.”

_Two of us._ Seungkwan would be lying if he said he hasn’t wished to hear those words from Junhui in the context where he associates the two of them. _Seungkwan and Junhui._ But the circumstances that led Junhui to say those words are _wretched._

“Maybe we are the ones who are at fault. Maybe it was all a dream,” Seungkwan puts forward a theory but even he knows that it is _ridiculous._ He vividly remembers that September 19 has already happened. 

“Then why is it the same case for both of us, Seungkwan-ssi? Are you even listening to _yourself?”_ Junhui questions him sharply.

“Are you even listening to _both of us?_ Jun-ssi, we both sound hysterical!” Seungkwan raises his voice to counter the other. “I just– I’m as clueless as you are right now. Even terrified. But it’s just us.” 

Seungkwan’s body deflates as he looks out the window to see his own apartment across. The only thing he can see is the dresser against the blank white wall. There is really nothing special about the view from Junhui’s window. 

“What should we do for now?” Junhui asks. Seungkwan turns to look at the elder. Big nut-brown eyes are directed towards him that are painted with confusion. Junhui is looking at Seungkwan expectantly hoping he’ll get some answers from the younger. But September 19 has this _unyielding pattern_ where he is meant to disappoint people over and over again.

“I don’t know,” Seungkwan replies with a tired state of mind. He feels as if he has gone through a terrible catastrophe and is now left to sort out what’s left of the wreck. “I have to go to the station.” 

As weird as his situation is, he can’t skip work. He mentally cries at the realisation that he has to listen to Jeonghan’s scolding _again._

“Of course.” Junhui nods his head. “Well, I don’t have work on weekends, so I guess I’ll just do the same things I did yesterday?” Junhui voices his reply like a question, clearly still trying to wrap his head around things. 

“Sure.” Seungkwan nods as well. “I guess I’ll see you after work?”

“I’ve got nothing better to do on a Saturday, so yeah.”

Seungkwan nods yet again because that’s all he can really do. Speaking feels _revolting_ because spoken words clearly don’t make any sense and make them sound like two men who are either high on some drugs or desperately in need of professional help. Not that his thoughts are very coherent at the moment but conveying his intentions through his body feels the _best course of action._ Seungkwan points towards the door and then starts walking towards it. Junhui nods as well, probably on the same wavelength as the younger man and walks him to the door. Seungkwan waves his hand and wordlessly dashes to his house. 

Repeated day or not, Seungkwan is still a police officer at the end of the day and has a high-profile case to solve. Oh, and also get debased by Jeonghan in front of the whole department all over again.

Seungkwan doesn’t get paid enough to go through the disastrous day once again.

  
  


===

  
  


The events of the previous day repeat themselves. Seungkwan expected it and even prepared himself for it. That does not negate the fact that Seungkwan’s whole being is still _shaken to its core_ from the uncanny replication. 

“Seungkwan-ah? Are you done with work? Let’s go to the restaurant together,” Hansol says as he shuffles to Seungkwan’s desk and leans on the table to meet Seungkwan’s eyes. As much as Seungkwan welcomes the opportunity of getting drunk after this shitty day, he can’t do it tonight. He remembers that yesterday, he didn’t have any solid reasons to bail out of the party but tonight, he needs to go back home and talk to Junhui. 

For very obvious reasons, the thought of seeing Junhui’s beautiful, speckled face brings him more rush of good hormones than the prospect of getting drunk on alcohol paid by Yoon Jeonghan. 

“I can’t make it tonight. There’s been a pipeline leak at my house and I need to reach early to get it fixed.” Being in the police has its own advantage. One of them includes having the _ability of deception._ Lying comes to him easily like second nature. It’s a skill that comes in handy when they have to dodge the media's invasive interrogation in a press conference. 

“Really?” Hansol, on the other hand, can see through Seungkwan’s lies most of the time.

“Yes.” Seungkwan hopes that Hansol doesn’t hang on to it for too long.

“Okay.” Hansol accepts the excuse nonchalantly. “It’s better to lay low after that horrible reprimand from Gyongwi. See you tomorrow, Kwannie!” Hansol leaves with his unsolicited comment and Seungkwan grumbles under his breath while shooting daggers at the other man with his eyes.

At night, Seungkwan sits near his window and looks at Junhui’s pensive face. The other man is also sitting near his window just so that they can have a chat. In all likelihood, they shouldn’t be talking like this because their neighbours can overhear their conversation, and they aren’t exactly talking about _sane affairs._ Still, they can’t seem to care.

“I hope that tomorrow happens, and it's not a repeat of this day all over again,” Seungkwan wishes. He hopes that somewhere in the sky, a meteor is entering the earth’s atmosphere.

“Me too. Because trust me, I can’t have a repeat of this day again. Saturdays are the most uneventful.” As a police officer who works on weekends, Seungkwan can’t relate. 

“Goodnight, Junhwi-ssi. Hopefully, I’ll see your beau– _your face_ tomorrow on September 20,” Seungkwan rushes to finish his sentence, mentally cursing himself for almost calling Junhui beautiful to his face. Thankfully, Junhui doesn’t catch his internal panic and bids him farewell. 

Seungkwan watches Junhui close the window and walk away from the window. Once Seungkwan sees the lights of Junhui’s apartment turn off, he closes his own window and plods to his bed. He eats his vitamin supplements and then lays down. 

Positivity brings prosperity. Seungkwan thinks exclusively about positive things, especially his progress in trying to get closer to Junhui (swiftly ignoring the wild circumstances) and sleeps with hope in his body and mind.

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan wakes up and reaches for his phone. 

It's September 19th.

Now Seungkwan is seriously panicking. Reality is really setting in, and he’s finally accepting that the previous day wasn’t some once-in-a-lifetime warping of space and time continuum. 

Through some weird circumstances, he is stuck inside a time loop with Wen Junhui and nobody is aware of this. Only the two men know that September 19 has already happened. _Twice._

“Seungkwan-ssi. We can’t just sit on our asses and wait for tomorrow to come,” Junhui says from his window. “I am going to read some research papers on, I don’t know, quantum physics and time loops. Maybe try to understand if there is an explanation behind this and find a solution.” Junhui is busy using his phone while telling his plan. Seungkwan thinks he’s probably searching for some answers in a world that is filled with varying remedies. 

Seungkwan is a police officer, and it's in his nature to be always prepared to face off the unknown and swim out of the dangerous waters without any hurdles blocking him. For the first time ever, Seungkwan feels helpless. He’s truly swimming in uncharted waters and there is no sign of any kind of land in his visions. He is truly _lost without any hope._

“What good is that going to do, huh?” Seungkwan asks out of annoyance that has started to simmer inside him from the cognizance of disorientation. 

He’s confused which in turn makes him frustrated. And all these ugly emotions slowly jumble into one _big and vile_ vehemence of anger. Pure rage erupts from him. 

“We both aren’t _fucking_ scientists, and you won’t be able to solve our problem by reading mere articles you find on search engines!” The voice that comes out of Seungkwan’s mouth is loud, and it is very characteristic of him to lose his wits when faced with obscure problems. But because of his anger, Seungkwan can’t perceive that the man in front of him is Junhui. The same man whose eyes hold the picture of the _perfect night sky_ and whose heart may be _bigger than the ocean_ (Seungkwan isn’t sure of the latter, but his guts say so, and he always has a good hunch with these things).

Without thinking any further or making matters worse, Seungkwan walks away from his window and heads for his night-stand. He picks up his wallet and phone and proceeds to walk out of his apartment whilst swiftly ignoring Junhui’s persistent call of his name. 

The moment he gets into a taxi he booked from his home, he directs the driver to take him to the airport. Now the step that Seungkwan is taking is a _risky one_ as booking a last-minute flight ticket is expensive as hell. But he has this theory inside his head where he thinks he might be able to escape this time loop if he is far away from the _epicentre_ which apparently turns out to be his apartment along with Junhui’s. It’s a working theory, and he isn't even sure if it’ll work. But then again, isn’t that how scientists solve all their problems and earn their livelihood — _by trial and a lot of errors?_

His luck chimes in when he manages to book the last available seat in a flight that is bound for Jeju city in the afternoon. Paying for it feels like breaking his bank and his chest convulses when he gets a message on his phone informing him about the deduction of money but Seungkwan sheds away the dreadful thoughts in the _hopes_ of a better outcome. 

In the time Seungkwan waits for his aeroplane by sitting at the terminal, he gets tons of phone calls. Most of them are from Soonyoung, few from Hansol, two from Jeonghan, even one from Wonwoo and bombard of calls from an unknown caller. In the back of his mind, Seungkwan thinks that maybe he should pick up the call from the _unknown caller,_ but his brain is not necessarily in the best condition to process anything, let alone have a conversation with a stranger, and so he decides to ignore it with the rest of the lot. 

  
  


By 5:30 in the evening, Seungkwan rings the bell of his family house. The look on his mother’s face as she recognises her son, who supposedly is meant to live in Seoul, standing on the threshold of the house is _ghastly._

“Seungkwan-ah?” His mother calls his name hesitantly. “Son, what happened? Are you on the run?” 

Seungkwan sighs in return. He is aware that his mother has seen too many films and now lives with this belief that one day, Seungkwan will get roped into some shady business with the underworld and form an unlikely partnership with a crime boss. All these turn of events will force him to run away from the law and find refuge in his family home, away from the mainland. 

In Seungkwan’s honest opinion, his mother should accept that if he were to ever take up the dark path, he would have the same fate as any other civilian and would have to pay for his crimes. Although he’s also aware of the growing corruption in the police force and thinks he’ll be able to evade harsh punishment if he pulls the right strings.

“No, eomma! I just missed you all. I took leave and decided to _surprise_ you.” He feels a sharp sting at the back of his neck while he blatantly lies to his own mother with a fake smile on his face. He hopes his mother doesn’t read through his lies because he doesn’t have the words to express the truth to her. 

His mother scrutinises him dubiously for a few seconds too long until a big smile veers on her lips, and she engulfs Seungkwan’s body in her arms. 

It’s _warm. Comforting. Sheltering._

Under his mother’s veil, Seungkwan can easily overlook the _storm_ that brews outside the boundaries of her shelter. 

It is easier to ignore the bird that flutters inside his chest cavity from the incapability of understanding the _ungodly experience_ that he’s been forced to undergo. 

After eating his mother’s scrumptious marinated crab, he saunters to his old room where only a skeleton of his childhood remains. The blue walls that used to be covered with posters of Wonder Girls are replaced by ivory walls that remind him of an overcast day. 

There is a terrible ache in his heart as he tries to sleep. A pang of guilt starts to simmer deep inside his stomach. If he escapes the time loop, will Junhui be able to escape it as well or will the elder be _stuck alone_ inside the terrible phenomenon?

Has Seungkwan’s selfish pride potentially made him _abandon_ his hope of sunshine?

The thousands of questions torment him and hinder him from falling asleep. So he sneaks into his parents’ room and steals a couple of his father’s benzodiazepine pills. Ten minutes after swallowing the pills, Seungkwan finally feels drowsiness wash his conscience. 

_In his deep sleep, he sees a man with a high nose and cutting jawline. His soft brown hair falls ornamentally over his forehead but his big and beautiful brown eyes seem to croon the melody of melancholy._

_The plump lips that resemble the pretty petals of roses open up and the man’s voice falls over Seungkwan’s heart like a heavy rock._

_“Why have you abandoned me, Seungkwan-ssi?”_

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan wakes up to a very familiar ceiling that he knows isn’t a part of his family’s house in Jeju city. There is no need to check his phone because he knows it’s going to read September 19. 

Seungkwan sluggishly grabs his hoodie and cap (ignoring the rat fiasco on his window) and decides to visit Junhui and inform him about his latest failed attempt to escape the time loop. 

Strangely enough, Junhui doesn’t respond to Seungkwan’s persistent ringing of the doorbell. It’s only when Seungkwan starts slamming his hands on Junhui’s door and creating a ruckus in the hallway that Junhui finally opens the door. 

_Fury._ There is uninhibited fury dancing in Junhui’s eyes. This is Seungkwan’s first time looking at his _angel_ looking like a _demon_ who straight up made his way from the fifth circle of scalding hell. As much as Seungkwan should fear the other man, he can’t help but be _peculiarly attracted_ to Junhui. Seungkwan is getting these strange urges to get down to his knees and pray. Pray till he’s able to _suck the anger_ out of the older man. 

The younger man tries his level best to figure out the reason behind Junhui’s anger instead of his unexplored kink of finding this look on Junhui hot because he doesn’t know how he’ll explain to an angry Junhui why he’s sporting a boner. 

“Moon Junhwi-ssi?” Seungkwan calls out carefully.

“Oh? Now you think it’s _okay_ to give me the time of your day?” Junhui’s voice sounds cold and detached. It’s a jarring experience to hear a voice that contrasts the one Seungkwan is used to hear coming out of the same lips. A fruity voice that emits so much _warmth and hope._

“What do you mean?”

“Do you have any idea how anxious and worried I was yesterday when you ran away to _fuck knows where_ without even caring to inform me?”

_Oh._

A single question makes Seungkwan realise that he fucked up so bad. 

In his befuddled state on the previous day, he completely neglected Junhui and didn’t expect that his actions could somehow affect him so gravely.

Junhui steps closer to Seungkwan, who is busy recovering from the realisation of his mistakes and grabs the younger’s arm. The grip over Seungkwan’s bicep is ironclad, and he mildly registers unwarranted pain. But more importantly, he feels something, _something_ that is initiated by Junhui, and it feels like heaven. Seungkwan can only whimper indignantly in return.

“You can’t just do things on your own, Boo Seungkwan! Especially when we have established it that it's _just us two_ who are stuck in this time loop. Do you hear me? We both are in this together!” Junhui practically growls into Seungkwan’s face while jiggling his body by the arm. A part of Seungkwan wants to fight back, but he keeps his mouth shut because he knows it is his fault and Junhui looks mighty scary with anger colouring his face. Even if Seungkwan is officially the man of authority, he’s letting himself be subjugated by a civilian. 

Maybe Seungkwan should really start questioning his _level of infatuation_ for Junhui because this is starting to look a bit _ridiculous_ for a harmless crush.

“For now, I am hurt by your selfish actions,” Junhui states as he releases his grip over Seungkwan’s arm and retracts his hands. Seungkwan misses the warmth, but he can still feel the heat erupting from where Junhui’s fingers had dug into his skin. It makes him _shudder_ in mild delight.

“Now kindly fuck off because I don’t particularly want to see your face.” 

The guilt finally starts to overwhelm Seungkwan, and it feels like he is drowning in the river of Junhui’s unshed tears. Which begs for a question to be answered. 

Was Junhui actually worried about Seungkwan abandoning him or worried about Seungkwan’s well-being? He did use the word _‘anxious’_ with _‘worried’_ but again, the intent behind those words seem ambiguous and for someone who has only exchanged surface-level information with Junhui, Seungkwan sure is getting ambitious with his hopes.

He tries to shed his distracting thoughts aside for now as Seungkwan feels that he should apologise to Junhui. Right about now actually. 

“I am really sorry for mak–” Junhui doesn’t let Seungkwan finish his apology.

“Save it.” And with that, Junhui turns around and slams the door over Seungkwan’s face. 

The younger man releases a heavy sigh and then trudges back to his apartment defeatedly. There isn’t much he can do now other than waiting for Junhui to cool off. 

In the meantime, he only has one option left and that is to switch back to his routine of going to the station and _reliving_ the worst day of this year.

For some reason, the invitation from death seems _irresistible._

Seungkwan always used to think nightmares were disturbing dreams that could only be experienced while sleeping. Now he begrudgingly accepts that nightmares can be experienced in waking hours as well. His world has somehow been shifted 180 degrees on its axis, and now he wakes up every day _into a nightmare._

  
  


===

  
  


By the evening, Seungkwan comes back home after using the same reason to excuse himself from the dinner party he used two days back. Surprisingly, he finds Junhui sitting beside his window while holding a mug of something that is piping hot while using his phone. Before letting his presence known, Seungkwan quietly places his belongings on his desk and takes a minute to just observe Junhui. 

Seungkwan thought of _another theory_ at work which honestly sounds a bit absurd but the way he is living through an otherworldly occurrence, he can’t just discount the possibility of the _supernatural_ anymore. It’s a bit suspicious to think only Seungkwan and Junhui are stuck in this time loop. And this is where this big question arises in his head. What if Junhui comes from a family in China that specialises in preserving the _forgotten art of dark magic?_ What if he is some kind of _witcher_ and behind this deviant time loop?

Sometimes a person really has to look at a situation while placing a _rock over their heart_ so that they can see the unbiased picture.

“Are you enjoying the view?” Junhui asks without lifting his eyes off the phone. The younger knows the question is directed towards him because only his window has the proper view of his apartment. 

“How did you know I was looking?” Seungkwan asks as he exhales a heavy breath and walks towards the window while dragging a chair.

“I felt eyes moving over my body and just knew that it had to be _you.”_ Junhui shrugs his shoulders, still refusing to make eye contact with Seungkwan.

“You are phrasing it like I stalk you every single night, and you are used to it by now.” Seungkwan rolls his eyes as he sits on the chair and makes himself comfortable by rolling up his sleeves. 

“Well, it would not be becoming on you if you were stalking me, _Gyongjang Boo-nim.”_ Junhui’s voice lilts and Seungkwan notices a spark in his eyes. For a second, he wonders if Junhui is flirting with him. Oh, how he _wishes_ to have Junhui flirt with him. 

“Just calling me Seungkwan is fine.” Junhui finally looks up from his phone. 

“If that is the case, I believe you can address me as your hyung,” Junhui offers carefully. 

“Okay, hyung,” Seungkwan tests the honorific on his tongue. It’s not like he’s not called anyone hyung before but calling Junhui one feels _more personal_ and hits differently. It feels like he’s taking a step closer to Junhui. Maybe _getting closer_ to the door that opens up to Junhui’s heart. 

Junhui takes a sip from his mug and places it down. Seungkwan fetches his own detox drink and takes a sip out of it. He’s supposedly drunk from this particular bottle two times but as the day resets, it finds its place back in the refrigerator, refilled and sealed. Everything resets. Yesterday, Seungkwan was crying because of the loss of money and today, his bank balance was restored. It’s an _endless cycle._

“You know what I was wondering,” Junhui speaks after a while. Seungkwan hums in response.

“The day restarts before we even get to see the sunrise of September 20th, right? So what if– what if we stay awake until the sun rises? Maybe we’ll break this loop if we _physically and mentally_ enter the next day,” Junhui postulates. 

Seungkwan takes a second longer to understand because Junhui speaks rapidly, more surprisingly, for someone who is supposed to be speaking in a second language. But once the idea settles in his brain, it sounds like the soundest plan to tackle their problem.

“I guess instead of drinking this detox juice,” Seungkwan raises the bottle so Junhui can see it. “I should be making coffee and drinking it. Lots of it.” 

A smirk forms on Junhui’s lips. The elder looks bloody charming and Seungkwan thinks that he is well aware of his charms. 

“Our first coffee together. It’s just like a _date!”_ After stating his opinion happily in a way where evil _peeks_ through his intentions, Junhui turns around and walks away from the window, probably to get coffee. 

Seungkwan leaps out of his chair and rushes towards the kitchen, away from the window as well. He’s practically running away because he is completely aware that his body is on _fire,_ and he’s probably resembling a _shiny tomato._ The organ inside his chest is beating erratically and probably trying to rip itself out and reach Junhui’s feet. He takes long and deep breaths to calm himself. 

Seungkwan did wish for it, but he wasn’t prepared to face the _consequences_ of Junhui's flirting upon him. 

But a few things are for sure. 

Wen Junhui is now his _hyung._ And it’s his damn luck that he’s pining for a man who is a flirt. _A natural flirt._

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan thinks learning is a continuous process that only ever ends when the human takes their last breath. And tonight, he finally learns about this enigma of a being that is _Moon Junhwi._

He learns that 28-year-old Junhui moved to Korea four years ago when he got a job in Seoul National University to be an associate professor in the Department of Chinese Language and Literature with his majors in Chinese linguistics and Confucian classics. Currently, he is a professor in the same department. 

“Professor at such a young age? Don’t you need _brains_ to accomplish that?” Seungkwan blurts out his confusion.

“Are you calling me dumb?” Junhui asks sharply, wariness clouding his eyes.

“You look dumb.” The moment Seungkwan finishes relaying his observation, his eyes go wide in panic, and he slaps his hand over his mouth after he realises his mistake. It’s exactly the kind of statement he shouldn't be conveying to Junhui if he wants to sail on a _floating ship._

“I mean–”

“Save it. There is really no way you can crawl out of this hole that you've dug yourself in Gyongjang Boo-nim. But now if you really have decided to shed all the formalities, it’s only fair that I should also treat you with _100% honesty,_ right?” Junhui asks with a raised eyebrow. Seungkwan isn’t very familiar with the older man’s mannerism even when he’s so crazy about him. He sees a glint in his eyes and his police training compels him to be vigilant of the unknown.

“Honesty is the best policy, hyung,” Seungkwan weakly agrees as he takes a large sip from his glass of Americano.

“Such a morally justified answer, something I’d expect from a man who protects us innocent and helpless citizens,” Junhui replies with a small smile on his face. His eyes somehow seem to scrutinise Seungkwan’s conduct that _triggers_ a blush on his cheeks. Seungkwan looks down to recuperate.

“Anyway, for starters, you don’t really look put together for someone who is _meant_ to be a police officer,” Junhui comments with a shrug. And then proceeds to take a sip from his cup. Seungkwan wonders if this is the gesture that youngsters call _“spilling the tea”._

“What's that supposed to mean?” Seungkwan asks with bunched brows. 

“You know, police officers are expected to have a certain level of composure in their demeanour but,” Junhui pauses and gives Seungkwan a quick glance over. “You seem to lack it for better wording.”

“Excuse yourself! You haven’t seen me on-duty,” Seungkwan defends himself vehemently.

“I’m sure my views won’t differ much if I ever got to witness you on-duty,” Junhui replies nonchalantly. 

Seungkwan can’t believe a sweet-looking man like Wen Junhui could actually be a savage. _A highly-intelligent savage_ apparently.

Still, the night continues and Seungkwan gets to peel more and more layers off Junhui.

“You love spicy and sour food?” Seungkwan asks in absolute horror.

“You don’t? Oh wow, I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to our _future dates_ now,” Junhui speaks dejectedly while scratching his chin and looking out the window.

And there he goes again using the word _date_ in place of _meeting._ Seungkwan has a premonition that one day, he’s going to suffer a heart attack from Junhui’s blatant choice of words. A part of him thinks that maybe Junhui’s vocabulary is limited as he’s not a native Korean, but then he thinks back to his intellectual achievements he’s learnt tonight and realises that it’s not that he _doesn’t understand_ the difference between few words, but he’s a _mischievous person_ who enjoys vexing people.

His eccentric ways might get Seungkwan into trouble.

The clock ticks to 5:30 in the morning and Seungkwan and Junhui struggle to keep their eyes open.

“Your eyelids look so funny when you’re drowsy,” Seungkwan comments, all his filters over his speech stripped away because of the somnolence and the excess caffeine buzzing in his veins.

“Are you saying I look ugly?” Junhui protests loudly.

“You and I both know that you are far from ugly, hyung.” 

A small gasp escapes Junhui’s dried lips. The _urge_ to hydrate them with his own lips comes to Seungkwan in waves. He wonders if Junhui would taste bitter as the coffee they are drinking or there would be a tinge of sweetness embedded in his mouth, _too delicate and sinful_ to fathom.

“Are you flirting with me?” The elder asks dubiously.

“Who in their sane mind would want to flirt with you?” Seungkwan deflects. He also wordlessly _admits_ that his mind is slowly becoming unhinged because of the lack of sleep. 

Seungkwan steals a glance towards his bed. In a very mystifying manner, he can suddenly hear his bed voicing out enticing words. They sound like a _lover’s sweet temptation._

_“Come to bed and rest, my sweet human.”_

_“I know you miss me.”_

_“I’ll give you more satisfaction than that man across the window could ever give.”_

Seungkwan shakes his head and rubs his eyes, trying to eradicate sleep from them. 

“You’re right.” Seungkwan hears Junhui speak. “You’re only flirting back because you’re losing your mind. If you were in your senses, you would try to come up with some baseless excuses instead.” There is a cocky smirk on Junhui’s lips.

“Has someone ever told you that you are very _full of yourself?”_ Seungkwan asks while squinting and tries to show that he is judging him strictly. Junhui looks down with a small smile and scratches his head.

“I have all the qualities in me that permit me to be narcissistic,” he replies without making eye contact with Seungkwan. And there really isn’t _anything_ in that sentence that the younger man can refute in all honesty. 

“Argh! How much longer do we have to stay awake?” Seungkwan asks to change the topic, letting frustration seep into his voice.

Junhui takes a deep breath and shrugs, getting up from his chair to probably refill his cup.

By 7 am, Seungkwan’s whole body shudders from numbness and weakness. Even a slight prick on his body feels painful and leaves behind an undesirable tingle. He sees Junhui sitting with a vacant expression on his face, his eyes half open and his body completely still. It is so uncharacteristically unlike the elder because in his observations (he is not a stalker, he swears), Junhui has a pretty _hard time_ sitting still. He is usually an exciting ball of energy, vibrating and fidgeting with so much excitement and jolly. 

For a moment, Seungkwan would repudiate himself by saying that maybe Junhui is also tired by staying awake all night so just to be sure, he weakly calls Junhui’s name. 

There is no response and before Seungkwan can start to panic and understand why Junhui is just sitting like a mannequin on a chair with his eyes open and blank expression, sleep starts to _overpower_ his senses, and he finds himself dozing off in the next few seconds on the chair. 

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan opens his eyes to the ceiling above his bed and without even looking at the phone, he knows it’s the same date he’s been seeing for the last few days.

“Let’s just accept it, Seungkwan-ah. There really isn’t anything that can be done here,” Junhui speaks after Seungkwan meets him with low spirits as another one of their attempts to escape the loop fails.

Accept it? Seungkwan can’t accept that _this_ is meant to be his life now. He can’t accept that he is stuck in a time loop and is _forced_ to relive the same day seemingly for all eternity. 

While standing in Junhui’s living area, his eyes flit towards a chest of drawers made of mahogany. On top of it, there are some strange cat figurines along with a few photo frames. Seungkwan sees a bunch of people that he has never seen or met before but understands that in a way, they are _important_ to Junhui. He wonders how Junhui is coping with their circumstances especially as he is an immigrant. While Seungkwan has been panicking for days hoping he’ll find a way to go back to his normal life, Junhui hasn’t really done anything.

Seungkwan has always found him waiting in his apartment with a relaxed expression. One way or another, Seungkwan always finds himself _orbiting_ around Junhui. 

What he chooses to overlook in his yearning is Junhui also finds himself _orbiting_ around Seungkwan and getting pulled in by a force stronger than gravity.

“I think it's about time I start looking at this situation through rose-tinted glasses.” Junhui’s silvery voice brings Seungkwan back to his surroundings.

“Rose-tinted glasses?” Seungkwan mumbles in perplexity.

“Yeah. In my case, I’ve got an infinite weekend. So this allows me to catch up with all my pending chores and clear out my watchlist and reading list, you know?” Junhui’s hands move around everywhere while he explains. 

“Infinite time?”

“Yes. Our memory doesn’t refresh every day, so I can just watch and read new things without losing anything in essence.” 

Something starts to click inside Seungkwan’s head as he hears Junhui go on and on about the positives of their situation. The words feel like they are floating through molasses and taking their own sweet time in reaching Seungkwan. But once reality shoots up his veins and the rush reaches his brain, Seungkwan lights up like a bulb and looks at Junhui like he’s just brought him _the moon and the stars._

“You’re right! Positives!” Seungkwan yells as he holds Junhui’s hands and shakes his body in excitement.

“Wait? You’re agreeing with me here?”

“Hell yeah! This infinite time loop gives me the perfect chance to work on this case and solve it and _clear my name!”_

“Clear your name?” Junhui asks while pausing between every word.

“Yeah, hyung! I have to go and work, but I promise I’ll explain everything later,” Seungkwan says as he brings Junhui’s hands together and covers them with his own. _Warm._ This warmth twists around his frozen soul and melts him into a puddle of devotion.

As long as Seungkwan has Junhui around him, he does not need to see the sunrise or sunset. He can feel the warmth of the sun and its colours by looking at Junhui. His heart is _embossed_ with shades of amber and tangerine. 

_Gamgyul._

He’s far from Jeju but Junhui reminds him of the Jeju gamgyul he used to cherish in his childhood. They are sweeter and more fragrant than regular tangerines. Junhui always has this distinctive scent of orange blossom surrounding him. Seungkwan’s comparison of Junhui to a gamgyul would solidify if he were to somehow have the fortune to taste, _to taste_ the sweetness behind those lips that sing the melody of _beguiling innocence._

Seungkwan hurriedly leaves Junhui’s apartment and goes to the station with a renewed vigour to get things done. Rather than waiting for Jeonghan to call him into his office, Seungkwan marches into the Inspector’s office and apologises for his errors that seem to have been committed ages ago. Jeonghan seems surprised by Seungkwan’s proactivity and lets him off for a change. 

At least now Seungkwan knows how to evade Jeonghan’s _harsh castigation._

He retracts his previous steps, contacts the leads who tried to misguide him and left him to bite the dust. He roughs them up and shows them the _real hell_ by interrogating them in a way that will never be glorified by the Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency and decides to wear the persona of a bad cop to get more information out of delinquents.

“Who made you lie to me, huh?” Seungkwan spits into the battered face of the man who gave him the wrong information earlier. He’s currently in an undisclosed warehouse near the docks of Port of Incheon used by KNPA along with Soonyoung who is busy rounding up the place to check for infiltrators and enemies. 

“No one,” the man mutters.

“If you agree to work with me here, you can earn immunity. Imagine being the top kingpin in your _little_ gang world,” Seungkwan lies through his gritted teeth, hoping to lure the information by appealing to the man’s greed. This is an unofficial interrogation, and they aren’t under any oath. Seungkwan has all the liberty to lie. “The SMPA will stand behind you always.” 

There is a sliver of glint in the man’s eyes as he computes Seungkwan’s words, and then he finally lowers his chin and takes a deep breath.

“He’s a dangerous man,” the man finally relents.

“And you can replace him if you want,” Seungkwan suggests.

“Look, it's not a straightforward case. There are a lot of people involved in it. Powerful people who are considered clean. Politicians and celebrities. Someone spent lots of money to keep the mouths and eyes shut,” the man speaks in agitation while tears stream down his face. He’s tied up to a rickety chair and bleeding profusely. Seungkwan wonders how long will he last until he faints from all the blood loss.

“Just tell me who am I looking for?” He asks, perturbed. The man looks at Seungkwan and sneers. His teeth are rotten from the constant consumption of marijuana and shine in the dimly lit place. Seungkwan controls his urge to gag.

“The man you’re looking for _goes to church every Sunday.”_

Thousands of people go to church. That doesn’t help Seungkwan narrow down his list.

“Where do I look?”

“We are in his city.” 

Seungkwan’s blood runs cold as he hears those words. He hears Soonyoung’s breath hitching from the door of the warehouse and suddenly everything starts to make sense. 

They are in Incheon and _jopok,_ a major organised crime syndicate, is known to have its operations in the city. 

He _definitely_ knows where he needs to look now. By the way the man in the chair worded his sentence, Seungkwan deducts that his priority now is to catch hyungnim–the boss of this jopok. 

After that, Seungkwan and Soonyoung finish up quickly and make a run for Seoul. 

“You were _something_ back there, Seungkwan-ah,” Soonyoung comments as he drives a rental car that they rented under a fake name. 

“What do you mean?” Seungkwan asks heedlessly as he scribbles the next set of plans in his notepad.

“Between you and me, I am the more ferocious and aggressive inquirer while you analyse the situation and investigate things rationally with a softer approach. Today, it felt like we had somehow exchanged our roles. It was exhilarating. _Mind-blowing!”_ Soonyoung replies in awe.

Seungkwan snorts at his reaction and chooses to look out of the window instead of giving Soonyoung a reply. Indeed, he usually prefers to stay in the shadows while Soonyoung goes _ballistic_ over the criminals. That’s how they can maintain the balance. 

But Seungkwan has been going through weird supernatural events lately and in simple words, he needs an outlet for his frustrations. Beating up their lead suspect from earlier did give him bloodied knuckles in return, but he was able to vent his problems, and now he feels more energised to solve the case. 

Besides, it's not like anybody is going to _remember_ this violent version of Seungkwan anyway. Even if the man rats them out to the leader of jopok, everything will be reset after Seungkwan falls asleep, and he’ll walk again with a clean slate tomorrow. 

He’s finally seeing the various advantages of getting stuck in this time loop. Maybe he has contracted the _‘Junhui syndrome’_ and having an optimistic approach to life is one of the many symptoms. 

“Anyway, after returning the car, let’s go to the bar where the whole department is having a dinner party together,” Soonyoung proposes as they cross Banghwa Bridge to enter Seoul.

“Oh? I can’t. There has been a gas leak in my apartment.” Seungkwan uses the same excuse for the third time. And just like before, it works like a charm, and he makes his way back to his apartment.

Makes his way _back to Junhui._

  
  


===

  
  


The world looks a bit brighter than before as Seungkwan wakes up from yet another sleep. His world hasn’t miraculously shifted to September 20th, but he’s made good progress in his investigation that somehow makes him satisfied. Seungkwan walks over to his desk to grab his notepad and read all his deductions. 

When he flips the pages and reaches the page he scribbled on yesterday, he finds it crisp and blank. 

_Oh, hell no._

Seungkwan completely forgot that when this day restarts, it resets every minute detail from the previous day. It’s like the previous day never even happened. It is only supposed to exist in Seungkwan and Junhui’s _memories._ The events that will take place inside this time warp will always remain _silent in recollections._

How will he solve this big case if he can’t ever retain the information he gathers every day? Seungkwan finds himself pushed back to square one. 

“Why do you look like you suffered a tragedy?” Junhui asks as he bites into an apple he took from Seungkwan’s refrigerator without asking. Seungkwan didn’t realise that when they decided to shed away honorifics, they really _blurred out the lines_ between intimacy and social conduct. 

“All my hard work– it’s gone.” Seungkwan dejectedly sits in a chair with his elbows resting on the table and his face covered behind his hands. 

“Don’t you still remember the information?” Junhui asks in between his bites. The crunchy sound is loud, and it irks Seungkwan, but he bites his own tongue to avoid creating a scene in the morning.

“Bits and pieces. But at this rate, I won’t be able to gain much traction in the investigation. Like how am I meant to remember addresses and numbers? And gritty details?” Seungkwan voices out his quandary.

“That seems like a legitimate problem,” Junhui supplies his unprompted comment. 

“If only I had some kind of unrealistic memory retention that they show in films,” Seungkwan mopes. He thinks that he could certainly manifest some superpowers if his life has decided to work in mysterious ways. “Something like a _photographic memory.”_

Junhui doesn’t say anything, and it takes a while for Seungkwan to realise that the room is filled with absolute silence. There is the muted whirring of the air conditioner in the background but other than that, it's hauntingly quiet. For a moment, Seungkwan dreads that maybe Junhui left his apartment and has decided to do the same thing he did by trying to run away from this place. The thought of Junhui abandoning him alone in this mess leaves behind a hollow feeling in his chest. 

Seungkwan only wants to be _filled by Junhui, never emptied._

He raises his head and finds Junhui standing awkwardly, his hand holding the half-eaten apple dangling by his side. He looks like he’s in very deep thought and trying to process the beginning of everything.

“Eidetic memory,” Junhui mumbles. “It’s the _technical_ term you’re looking for.”

Seungkwan blinks his eyes rapidly. He realises that all this time, Junhui was trying to recall the scientific word just so that he could _demean_ Seungkwan. The younger wonders just what the hell has he ever done to Junhui that has him always trying to instigate a _psychological war_ with him. He’s _always_ looking for ways to pick a fight with Seungkwan. 

Doesn’t he know that Seungkwan wants to be a lover, not an enemy?

Seungkwan opens his mouth to defend himself and probably spar with Junhui but the elder man shuts him with his next set of words.

“And I have one.” 

The words _echo_ loudly in a room that is completely carpeted and filled with furnishings. Seungkwan processes the meaning of the words and tries to formulate his response, but words start to crumble in his mouth like dust. 

“Are you,” Seungkwan tries to find the word he is looking for but fails. “Serious?”

“Well, I am always serious.” Seungkwan will like to refute that sentence because he really has a hard time believing that Wen Junhui can be _anything but serious_ almost all the time.

“I don’t believe you,” he simply expresses his disbelief. 

They get into an impromptu staring competition and Seungkwan decides to perceive Junhui’s behaviour and body language as a police officer instead. He tries to locate any clue that may give him the sign that this is all fucking bullshit. Resolute eyes. Tranquil expression. Pretty lips. Artistically placed moles. Face sculpted by gods. Seungkwan is _fucking deviating_ from the point. 

“I’ll prove it to you if you want,” Junhui offers stressfully. He looks around and finds a book that Seungkwan bought with the intention of reading. That was eleven months ago. He still hasn’t got around to read it even if he’s been _blessed_ with periods of off-duty.

Junhui fetches the book and hands it over to Seungkwan expectantly. The younger understands what Junhui wants him to do and without hesitating, he flips open a random page and starts testing Junhui’s claims.

After ten excruciatingly long minutes, Seungkwan slams the book shut on the table and looks at Junhui with _pure wonderment,_ unable to come to terms with his reality once again.

Until now, he used to think he had a crush on a very beautiful albeit a bit obnoxious man. It was a thing that made him happy, and he was able to bask in the shelter of his goodness on days when the metaphorical rain was dead set on _drowning_ him. Now the realisation that Junhui is also fucking intelligent has literally _washed away_ all the other candidates Seungkwan had ever even considered as potential partners. He just needs to have Junhui. If he somehow makes judicious use of this infinite loop and plays his cards right, he can win the lottery by courting a man who possesses beauty with brains.

He isn’t just trying to chase tomorrow but also trying to get the man of his dreams. 

“You never forget things?” Seungkwan asks in a voice coloured in astonishment.

“I do forget. But it's not an instantaneous process. It usually stays in my brain for like a few months,” Junhui casually replies as he takes a seat on one of the chairs and grabs the bottle of water. 

Seungkwan’s brain starts buzzing with this new piece of information, and he starts to come up with all the ways he can use it to his advantage for this investigation. 

The _light bulb_ in his brain turns on.

“Hyung?” Seungkwan calls out Junhui cheerily. The elder turns his head towards him with suspicious eyes. Seungkwan can already _feel the love_ Junhui has for him. “Can you please drop by the station after 4 pm today?” 

“Why?”

“Umm, I need you to read and go through some reports of this case I’m working on,” Seungkwan replies in an innocuous tone with a blinding smile on his face. Junhui calmly analyses his behaviour and Seungkwan feels uncharacteristically _exposed_ under the scrutiny because Junhui’s eyes can _burn_ the field of reeds in his opinion. 

“Are you asking me to violate laws to get access to classified police records?” Junhui presses and when he decides to word it that way, Seungkwan can’t really deny it. Because it’s _exactly_ what he wants Junhui to do.

“I mean, just a little peek is all I–”

“Absolutely no fucking way! I can get deported for _this shit,_ you know?” Junhui looks at him with wide eyes and knitted brows. It’s definitely a novel experience to have someone use an accusatory tone on him as a police officer but for Junhui, he’s _willing_ to swallow his pride. Mostly because he desperately _needs_ Junhui’s memory and can’t afford to fuck this up.

“No, you won’t! By the time someone wraps their head around this and thinks of reaching out to you, the day would reset, and it’ll be like a brand-new day where you would have never shown up at the station,” Seungkwan reasons energetically.

Junhui goes quiet again while he tries to come up with a decision which Seungkwan thinks is quite ridiculous because their days literally reset after sleeping. Wasn’t he supposed to be the same man who was spouting _bullshit_ about there being nothing left to lose? 

Seungkwan bitterly realises _all men do is lie_ and nothing else.

“So basically I’ll be partnering with you to solve this case?” Junhui asks with a gleam in his eyes. He looks like a kid in a candy shop. _Cute._

“Sure,” Seungkwan agrees just to get the job done.

“So this means I’m basically a cop now?”

“No.”

_“Yes!”_ Junhui rises from the chair and starts gracefully walking towards the window like he’s a lead actor in a _film_ and this is meant to be his great moment of epiphany, and he’s having this philosophical monologue. 

“I’ll get to catch the bad guys and throw them behind the bars. Just like they do in the films!” Yes, he’s definitely acting out his _lead actor dreams_ at the moment. 

Seungkwan has a bad feeling about this, but he doesn’t really have much choice here.

Quite honestly, he isn’t running out of time per se, but he’s definitely running out of _options and sanity._

  
  


===

  
  


It’s half past four in the evening and there is no sign of Junhui yet. Seungkwan understands that certain people like to arrive fashionably late, but he certainly _does not_ appreciate the approach. Especially when he tried to repeat his actions from yesterday and gruel the man into giving him addresses and numbers while mauling his face and restructuring it into a new one as fast as possible, basically before 4 pm. Soonyoung definitely had quite a few comments and opinions to impart to Seungkwan but the latter swiftly deflected them, clearly having no words to justify his newfound violent style. 

In the back of his mind, a voice tells him that it’s not a recently developed behaviour but something that was repressed during his conscription and police training. Seungkwan is quite used to _ignoring_ that voice and _feigning_ oblivion.

He doesn’t realise he’s gone into a trance and only comes back to planet earth when he hears a loud noise from the desk beside him that belongs to Hansol.

_“Jun hyung!”_ The chirpiness laced around Hansol’s usual deep voice is a very rare occurrence. But it isn’t even the _most surprising_ occurrence. Seungkwan raises his head to watch Hansol zoom his way towards Junhui, _his Moon Junhwi,_ with a big grin on his face. Junhui adorns a similar joyful expression on his face and after that, Seungkwan witnesses one of the _most dramatic reunions_ he’s witnessed inside this station. It clearly has dethroned the _Soonyoung-Wonwoo reunion_ of last year when his partner saw his childhood best friend getting posted to this station and created a ruckus that was eventually shut down by Inspector Yoon Jeonghan. 

No noise pollution is technically created in this encounter but for Seungkwan it just hits _harder._ It hits on _personal grounds._ Until today, Seungkwan had whined to Hansol about his handsome neighbour he has a big crush on a grand total of eight times. Hansol had always listened to him intently but always provided him with unhelpful advice. One of the outrageous advice included _‘asking the neighbour on the date’._ Like hell, Seungkwan would ever willingly do that with a sane mind. 

“What brings you here?” Hansol asks as he separates from their hug. _A hug_ for crying out loud. This is pure torture. “Does Myungho hyung know you’ve come to visit me?” 

“Ah Hansol-ah, I sincerely apologise, but I’m not here for you,” Junhui replies apologetically while scratching the back of his nape.

“You aren’t?” Hansol questions. Seungkwan can make out his baffled expression from the back of his head. “Don’t tell me! Have you committed a felony recently?” He asks in a scandalised tone. Junhui uneasily starts to look around until his eyes lock on Seungkwan. 

“No, I’m here to meet _him,”_ Junhui says while nodding his head in Seungkwan’s direction. Hansol turns around to align his gaze with Junhui’s and the confusion on his face intensifies. “He’s my neighbour.” 

The _knowledge_ of Seungkwan and Junhui’s relationship is all it takes for the gears to start turning around in Hansol’s head. Seungkwan had never explicitly mentioned Junhui’s name to Hansol and always chose to refer to the elder man as _‘the neighbour’._ Essentially, Seungkwan is meant to have three neighbours, and he knows he can spout some excuse to have Hansol belief that Junhui is _not_ the man he has a crush on. But then again, Hansol is a police officer for a reason. The reason being his _highly impressive_ deduction skills.

Seungkwan releases a tired sigh as he observes Hansol cracking the code of _Seungkwan’s heart’s equation._ It was a lost battle, to begin with.

“You don’t say.” Seungkwan can smell the mockery emitting from Hansol’s body to his desk.

Seungkwan opens his mouth as he tries to say something that will have Junhui walking up to his desk. He just wants to get through this fast. He’s rudely interrupted by Soonyoung blocking his viewpoint of Junhui. 

“Oh, hello! How may I help you?” Soonyoung greets Junhui warmly. 

“Umm, I’m here to meet my neighbour concerning–”

“Wow! You have so many moles on your face. Do you know the significance behind it?” Seungkwan slams his face lightly on his desk as he realises what is about to happen. Soonyoung is his partner, and he’s painfully aware of his habit of trying to chat with people– _flirt_ with the good-looking ones. This cannot have a good end.

“I’m afraid not.”

Soonyoung coos in return and Seungkwan has the urge of throwing a crumpled piece of paper at him. 

_“Well,”_ Soonyoung puts a dramatic emphasis on the word. “They are supposed to be kisses from the lover of your past life. So by the looks of it, they must have loved you a lot.” He must have finished his sentence, with what Seungkwan can _only assume,_ a wink because Junhui seems to be taken aback for a second as his eyebrows disappear behind his hair over the forehead. 

Seungkwan thinks it's high time he makes an appearance in the scene. 

“Junhwi hy–” He stops as Junhui starts to speak over him.

“I see. Then why aren’t they on my lips? If we really stop to think about it, kisses are a touch from lips. And why isn’t my _whole body_ covered by moles as well? Are you saying my past lover was _stingy_ with their kisses?” Junhui counters Soonyoung’s theory and the whole department falls silent. All eyes curiously land on the exchange between Soonyoung and Junhui. 

“Also, you seem to severely _lack_ the presence of moles on your profile,” Junhui gasps in an exaggerated manner bringing his hand to cover his mouth. “Are you saying your lover from the past life didn’t love you,” Seungkwan can’t hold it any longer. He knows what’s about to come. “ _At all?”_

The whole department _erupts_ in a burst of boisterous laughter. Seungkwan wipes a tear from the corner of his eyes while Hansol slaps Junhui’s back, cheering him for finally containing the _hazard_ that is Kwon Soonyoung. The latter looks at Junhui in pure awe and then attempts to shake his hands to acknowledge Junhui’s wits. 

Seungkwan observes the whole scene silently and falls _harder and harder_ for Junhui. After all, Junhui is the first man who has been able to make Soonyoung speechless. That is an _amazing feat_ on its own.

After practically having the whole department fall for him, Junhui finally makes his way to Seungkwan’s desk and sits on the chair opposite him. 

“So? Did you miss me, _darling?”_ Junhui asks casually, smirking down at him. Seungkwan’s heart skips a beat.

“Would you please behave? People might misinterpret things here.” _‘I might end up misinterpreting things here.’_ Seungkwan wants to add but keeps that sentence to himself. 

“Eh, nothing really matters. I could _kiss you_ right here and people won’t even remember it the next day.” 

_“Moon Junhwi!”_ Agony bleeds into Seungkwan’s voice. Junhui raises his palms to silently declare that he would stop his antics. Seungkwan passes him the case files and waits for Junhui to go through it.

“How do you know Hansol?” Seungkwan whispers urgently, careful not to let the man mentioned in the question hear him as he is sitting on the desk beside him. Junhui lifts his head and blinks at Seungkwan innocently. 

“Oh!” He reaches for his phone and flashes his home screen towards Seungkwan. The younger man sees Junhui wrapped in a half-embrace of another man. He has sharp features — eyes, chin and pointed ears. But there is a burst of warmth in Seungkwan’s chest as he _unravels_ the warmth in the man’s face. His charcoal black hair falls perfectly over his eyes, and he reminds Seungkwan of an edgy drug lord he arrested last year. 

Seungkwan does not want to admit but Junhui looks good beside the mystery man, _happy and adorable._

“This is Myungho, my best friend, who happens to be _dating_ your fellow police officer Hansol here,” Junhui supplies amiably. 

Seungkwan takes more time than necessary to process the words. Once everything clicks together, he whips his face towards Hansol who is already looking at him with _guilt_ marring his face.

“Oops.” That’s all that comes out of the idiot’s mouth. “Now I remember the thing that I had to do for so many days was to tell you that I was dating, Seungkwan-ah.” Seungkwan can’t believe that Hansol has the gall to smile after revealing that he is, _in fact,_ dating. 

“Oh wow! What a coincidence that your best friend is dating my _supposed,”_ Seungkwan grits the last word and throws a scornful glance towards Hansol. “Best friend. And I didn’t even know about it! I honestly don’t have a lot of words to speak at the moment.” 

They say the worst part about _betrayal_ is that it always comes from the ones you love. 

The saddest, _most twisted_ truth about this revelation is that even if Seungkwan whines and expresses his hurt, the day will reset again and this thing will be buried in his memories, no evidence or hope of it ever happening in the future again. So by creating a fuss about this, he would essentially be wasting his own energy and nothing else. 

Besides, he does not wish to come off as a petty man in front of Junhui. He wants to show the elder man that he understands how adult friendship works, and it's normal for people like them to forget sharing important aspects of their lives when they are burdened with the responsibilities to keep the public safe. He can take the higher route and decides to be mature about it. 

After Junhui finishes reading all the reports, Seungkwan offers to walk Junhui out of the station. 

“How did you come to the station, hyung?”

“I rode my bike obviously.”

“You have a bike?”

Seungkwan never gets to hear the answer to his question. But he does get to see it as the two men reach the parking lot. 

_Oh, good lord._

Wen Junhui just became hotter in Seungkwan’s eyes.

The man mounts a black Daelim Daystar, a cruiser motorcycle, and puts his helmet on. Junhui kicks the stand and turns the key in the ignition. Seungkwan hears the loud _rumble_ of the bike coming to life. He feels his knees go a little weak, and he feels grateful that the noise from the bike masks the involuntary whimper that escapes his lips. 

Junhui lifts the visor and looks at Seungkwan with a worried look.

“From what I understand of Hansol’s nature, I’m sure he wasn’t actively trying to keep his relationship under the wraps but genuinely forgot to tell you about it, Seungkwan-ah,” Junhui says and the younger man realises that he must think the cause of distress painted over Seungkwan’s face is Hansol. When really, _it's him._ On a fucking bike. Seungkwan hates how weak he can really be for certain cliché tropes, but it is what it is and Junhui on a fucking bike might be the _sexiest thing_ he has ever witnessed.

“Yes, I understand.” Seungkwan needs to run away to the bathroom and splash his face with cold water at least 50 times to calm himself down as he is burning up in flames _because of Junhui,_ unbeknown to the elder man obviously.

“I’ll see you tonight, hyung. Thanks for doing this!” Seungkwan makes a run for it and doesn’t even wait to hear Junhui’s reply. Or see him ride off on a cruiser motorcycle and become even more of a _handsome hunk_ in Seungkwan’s eyes. 

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan is in a worse state of mind later in the evening when he sits in his apartment with Junhui sitting on the edge of his bed. He specifically used the term _worse_ because watching Junhui sit on _his bed_ doesn’t help the urges he has inside him. He really can’t help himself imagining scenarios where the two can easily fit on that bed in a horizontal position and dance under the pale moonlight.

_Fucking hell,_ he needs to get his head out of the gutter.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Junhui asks as he stretches his arms above his head to crack his bones. Seungkwan gets a peak to an _inch of skin_ as Junhui’s shirt rides up, and he has to hold his breath to control his drool from leaking out from the corner of his mouth.

Seungkwan coughs to avoid speaking in a high-pitched voice. 

“We go and check the first location in Guro.”

“What about your partner Soonyoung?” 

“And how am I supposed to explain your presence if we tag along with him?” Seungkwan counters.

“Field trip?”

“Is my job a joke to you?” Seungkwan asks in a low voice, irritation bubbling deep inside him. 

Junhui reads the room and instead of replying, decides to shut his mouth. He gets up from the bed and walks closer to Seungkwan. It seems like Junhui has a habit of catching Seungkwan off guard and once again, the younger man is thrown off the kilter when Junhui decides to _kneel_ in front of him and place his hands on Seungkwan’s thighs for support.

A situation that has always been trapped away in _dreams_ starts to take shape into _reality._

“I’m sorry for offending you, Seungkwan-ah,” Junhui apologises in a voice that strums the heartstrings inside his chest. But it’s mostly the eyes that hold so much sincerity and honesty that melts Seungkwan. “I’m also very sorry that you got to find out about Hansol in such an unfortunate way.”

Seungkwan thought that he had buried the matter successfully. But there is something about the way the matter is brought back up in his own room by the man who is kneeling and looking at Seungkwan with so much warmth that the _devastation of the betrayal_ comes back to him in waves.

“Am I a bad man, hyung?” Seungkwan asks in almost a whisper, struggling to speak louder and too afraid to break the tenderness of the moment.

“You are not,” Junhui assures him as he squeezes his thighs and Seungkwan feels the heat of the _thousand suns_ permeating through his pants. “You are an amazing human.”

“I– he’s my best friend. And if he has problems with admitting such an important thing in his life, then don’t you think it’s natural for me to think that I am the part of the problem here?” He’s not drunk and there is no reason for him to open himself up and be vulnerable in front of a person he barely knows. But for the time being, Seungkwan should embrace the reality that he _only has Junhui_ who he can really depend on.

“It’s natural and completely _okay_ for you to think this way. But it's very _wrong_ of you to take it as gospel.” Junhui looks at him and Seungkwan is reminded of gamgyul as he looks into the eyes that reflect a swivel of orange sun and a face whose sweetness coats his heart with love. “I think you’re a wonderful man and all the people who are close to you are so, _so_ very lucky to have you in their lives.” 

Junhui gently brushes a strand of hair away from the younger man’s eyes and then looks at him expectantly, like he’s _waiting_ for Seungkwan to give him something. And the latter wants to give him all that he’s got. Wants to _give and give_ until he has filled Junhui with the nectar of his love.

It’s been a long day, and it's the exact reason why Seungkwan dares a little because this may be the only time Junhui gives him a serious response. _Hopefully._

“Do you feel lucky to be stuck in this situation with me?”

Junhui’s breath catches and his fingers falter while carding through his hair very discreetly but Seungkwan still notices it. And then, the elder man’s face morphs into something so foreign that Seungkwan has never got to witness before. Although, his professional judgement would deem it as _fond. Doting. Caring. Affectionate._

“I think we got the _worst luck_ with getting stuck in this situation.” Seungkwan’s heart shatters like a glass bottle thrown at a wall. The noise echoes like white noise, and he feels himself shutting down to the external world, his body’s way of protecting itself and his feelings. “But I think I was personally blessed by the gods to get stuck in this situation _with you,_ Seungkwannie.” 

The words float around them like butterflies and Seungkwan sees a perpetual emptiness in his life getting filled by these colourful creatures. They flutter in the void exuberantly and show Seungkwan a world filled with _hope and happiness._

He looks down at Junhui and gets overwhelmed by his repressed feelings of neglect, insecurity, desire and inferiority. And finally, he decides to let them all out in the form of tears. 

“Hyung, I–” Seungkwan sobs in between his words. While he tries to come up with words, Junhui reaches for him and encircles his arms around the younger’s body.

_Warm._ Seungkwan is comfortably warm.

This hug feels like warm chocolate syrup poured over cold vanilla ice cream. _Sinfully delectable and precious._ Seungkwan melts under the homely heat and appreciates the beauty of being alive in the arms of the most amazing man. 

After that, Seungkwan cries. _A lot._ And Junhui patiently wipes his tears and showers him with compassion and kindness. Pours string of accolades over his affection-craving heart. And helps Seungkwan come out of the darkness using his inherent luminosity and effortlessly breaks a few of his shackles.

The _tiger_ that is always out for blood gets _tamed_ by a silvery voice and gentle hands. 

After a very long time, Seungkwan gets to _run_ like a man free from his burdens.

After a very long time, Seungkwan _receives_ all the attention and care he likes to inundate others with, in return. 

After a very long time, Seungkwan _sleeps_ better than he has in months.

  
  


===

  
  


In broad daylight, Seungkwan finds himself sitting in a cramped office in the back of a chicken restaurant in Guro. Junhui stands near the door from the lack of more seating arrangements and a man with bleached blond hair and a tattoo on the side of his nape sits in front of Seungkwan, a rolled blunt in between his fingers.

“So? Why the fuck am I entertaining a cop on this bright sunny day? Am I in trouble?” The man asks with a sneer on his face. Seungkwan has the impulse of throwing up on his disgusting face.

“Told you, _Joowon_ sent me. I’m just here to get a name,” Seungkwan repeats his words from before. 

The man opposite him, who goes by the name of Somnia, looks at Seungkwan with calculating eyes. His fingers tremble as he takes a drag of the blunt and the air inside the office smells sickly sweet from the weed. It’s intoxicating and disgusting at the same time. As time passes by, Seungkwan can’t help but feel paranoid. A thought comes inside his head that he’s probably made a _big mistake_ by showing up at a known human trafficker’s den with Junhui, an innocent civilian, nonetheless. This is a highly dangerous situation and Seungkwan isn’t prepared to suffer the consequences. 

“I don’t appreciate that you lie to me in my area, Gyongjang-nim,” Somnia says with ire reflecting in his eyes. “We’ve contacted Joowon, and he does not remember sending you to us. Now I know that man can’t handle his poison and tends to forget a shit ton of things, but he’s not the type of man who _forgets_ meeting a cop.” Seungkwan realises a big flaw in his plan at very bad timing. Of course, Joowon doesn’t remember the meeting with Seungkwan because everything happened in an alternate reality. 

“Just tell me the name of the man who supplied you funds to provide Lim Jeongmun three female escorts the night before he was found dead in the morning, and I’ll walk out of this place and pretend a ship didn’t arrive at Incheon two nights ago carrying five people from Russia who have been illegally smuggled into the country and registered to work in ‘The Haze’,” Seungkwan issues his ultimatum sharply, the challenge evident in his voice. _‘The Haze’_ is one of the nightclubs that Somnia owns, allegedly.

He did his homework and with Joowon’s help was able to find out about the ship. One good thing about a never-ending September 19th is that he has a chance to accumulate a lot of information without losing time.

Seungkwan sees the blunt slipping from Somnia’s hands, and it falls on papers lying on the desk haphazardly. The papers easily catch fire from the residue falling from the blunt, and it starts to spread slowly. Seungkwan clicks his fingers and points to the desk to direct Somnia’s attention to the fire. The latter catches on and messily punches the papers with his _bare hands_ to put out the fire. Fear starts to culminate deep in his stomach as he realises that the man isn’t even affected by the fire. He’s in the _wrong place_ with the _wrong guy._

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gyongjang-nim,” Somnia says with a sinister smile on his face as he gets up from his place. The chair creaks loudly in the small space and all the surrounding men start to get into places. 

The survival instincts _activate_ inside Seungkwan’s brain and his body starts to get ready for a fight or flight response. He knows he isn’t getting a name from this delinquent and there is no point in staying here any longer.

“But I do want to know on what grounds are you accusing me of smuggling people into my beloved motherland?” Somnia starts to round up the desk and Seungkwan feels trapped. Before he can say anything to distract the man, he hears Junhui’s voice warble from behind him.

“Yo Somnia-ssi! What did the cookie say to his friend when he was ready to go?” 

Somnia looks at Junhui like he has suddenly grown a second head next to his original one. Seungkwan thinks it's really not the best time to be cracking some kind of _dad joke,_ but it does give him the window of opportunity to slowly get up from his place as Somnia’s attention is directed towards a smiling Junhui. 

“What did the cookie say?” Somnia asks, momentarily transfixed by Junhui’s existence. It’s the same thing that Seungkwan has coined as Junhui syndrome that makes people forget about their identity while they try to process the _corporeality of Wen Junhui._ He has these devilish charms that are hard to ignore. Seungkwan wonders how many people have accidentally fallen for the elder man by contracting this syndrome.

“Gwaja!” Junhui yells cheerfully, his hands thrown out like a kid. _Snacks._ It’s also a phrase that sounds like _‘gaja’_ (let’s go). 

_Oh._ This is an implicit addressal to Seungkwan and Junhui is asking him to leave the premises as soon as possible.

Somnia looks baffled, to say the least along with all the men present in the room. Seungkwan grabs the opportunity and pushes Somnia out of his way and makes a dash for the exit. Junhui quickly turns around and kicks the man standing next to the door. Seungkwan is a trained official and that is how he knows how to fight. Junhui is a professor in a university but by the looks of the man who is planted on the ground by a single side whip kick, he clearly shouldn't _judge_ people by their profession.

They make their way out through the restaurant, pushing away the servers and customers and tables all at once. It’s a chaos, and they are aware they are being chased, but they don’t have the luxury to look back.

“Remind me why we decided to take a taxi to such a shady place?” Junhui screams.

“Because I didn’t think this would get out of hand!” Seungkwan replies.

“We should have come prepared with an escape vehicle. Haven’t you watched enough films, Seungkwan-ah?” Junhui says as they both come to a standstill outside the entrance of the restaurant, looking frantically for some miracle. 

They both watch a man park his car on the other side of the street and without saying anything, Junhui grabs Seungkwan’s arm and pulls him towards the particular direction.

“Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?” Seungkwan asks in a scandalised tone. He is a man of authority, and he is under _no circumstances_ going to participate in car theft. That’s not him. _No way in hell._

The car’s owner opens the door and just as he climbs out of the car, Junhui starts screaming into the man’s face in a language that Seungkwan does not understand — Mandarin. Junhui’s foreign language and hostile demeanour makes the owner fear for his life, and he runs away from his car, the keys still inside the ignition.

Junhui turns around and looks at Seungkwan with maniacal eyes.

“Seungkwan _hurry!”_

Just as Junhui finishes calling for him, Seungkwan hears the loud ringing voice of a gun being shot followed by the gunshot hitting on the asphalt next to Seungkwan, making the shrapnel explode near him. The fear _strikes_ him hard, and he gets _startled_ by the noises. After that, his feet start moving on their own, getting into the passenger seat of the car.

His ears still ring as Junhui also climbs into the car and then eventually pulls the car onto the road. Seungkwan looks behind and notices that a car and two motorcycles are following them.

“They are tailing us,” Seungkwan announces urgently.

“I can see that!” Junhui yells as he sharply takes a right turn and almost crashes into an innocent man. His driving can only be classified as reckless that would get him a lot of tickets.

“I have a confession,” Junhui announces out of the blue as he overtakes a mini truck and almost saves their car from crashing into another car.

“What?”

“This is my _first time_ driving a car.” Junhui takes another turn and the younger man realises he’s just driving in circles so that he can lose the men following them. Only a single motorcycle remains on their tail so Junhui’s tactics have worked in a way.

“You can ride a _muscle bike,_ but you can’t drive a _car?”_ Seungkwan practically barks inside the car.

“Those two are completely _different things!”_ Junhui defends himself passionately and abruptly slams his foot on the brake pedal, making the two men jerk to the front. Seungkwan almost saves his head from slamming on the dashboard.

“Yah Moon Junhwi!” 

“Stop yelling at me!”

“Stop doing things that make me yell at you!” Seungkwan gets pushed back into his seat as Junhui accelerates the car without giving him a heads up. 

  
  


One way or another, Seungkwan and Junhui finally make their way to the police station in one piece after losing every single man that was following them. Seungkwan’s throat is hoarse from all the screaming and Junhui massages his temples probably from listening to all of Seungkwan’s complaints. 

_“I’m free!_ Worst experience of my life,” Junhui dramatically declares as he kneels on the ground and looks up at the sky with his eyes closed. Seungkwan comes to stand behind him and smacks him on the back of his head, temporarily forgetting that he’s actually secretly trying to court the guy. Surprisingly enough, Junhui isn’t offended by Seungkwan’s actions and continues to act out his soliloquy. 

Seungkwan turns on his heels to look back at the car they nearly died in. Now that the looming fear of death has dissipated from above his head, he contemplates what could have happened. They are stuck in the time loop and running away from the epicentre or staying awake all night didn’t help them at all in ending this cycle. He wonders what would happen if they were to _die inside this loop._ Would they actually die for real or wake up once again to the morning of September 19th or somehow miraculously bend the laws of time and space and reach the reality where September 20th _exists?_

Could ending their lives be the _solution_ to this never-ending madness?

Seungkwan thinks it's time that they test another hypothesis.

  
  


===

  
  


The next day, Seungkwan invites Junhui in the guise of helping him check out another place. He brings the police car from the station and takes the wheel because he is _never_ letting Junhui sit behind the wheel again. 

“Hyung? Are you secretly a part of some fight club?” Seungkwan asks to start a conversation with Junhui just so that he can ease into things and his aim for today does not feel too forced upon Junhui. Nonetheless, he is still forcing the theory on Junhui without even informing him about it beforehand and there is no way he can crawl out of this mess easily if they make it to the other side.

“That’s a weirdly specific question.” Junhui looks at Seungkwan curiously. “Why do you ask?”

“You practically _one-hit-KO'd_ that man with your kick yesterday!” Seungkwan tosses back.

“Oh, that? I think that was some dumb luck that’s all.” 

“Moon Junhwi,” Seungkwan exhorts. Junhui sighs.

“It’s just a martial arts thing I had with Minghao, I mean _Myungho_ when we used to live in China.”

“Myungho? Is he–”

“He’s older than you,” Junhui interrupts impassively.

_“Myungho-ssi,”_ Seungkwan corrects himself. “Is he also Chinese?”

“Yeah. He’s a photographer. Started working for an independent magazine and got recognised real soon. His photo-book was published internationally and became an overnight success. After that, he moved to Korea five years ago and is living the good life,” Junhui explains.

Seungkwan hums in acknowledgement, finding it _hard to digest_ that Hansol is apparently dating a very famous photographer. Although it doesn’t surprise him much because Hansol is like the perfect man, and he would be more surprised if people didn’t throw themselves over the man (except for criminals because that's understandable).

“It’s convenient that you both ended up finding livelihood in the same country,” Seungkwan says after a while as he gets on the Capital Region First Ring Expressway.

“Hmm, convenient.”

A silence envelops them again as Seungkwan navigates the car through the traffic. The surrounding noiselessness has _so much_ to say. Junhui looks out the window, probably observing the passing cars and Seungkwan tightens his grip on the steering wheel, his knuckles turning milky white from the pressure. He takes a big gulp, the sound echoing in the small cabin. 

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for the action that I’m about to take now.” 

“What are you on about?” Junhui asks. When he doesn’t get a response from Seungkwan, he turns his body towards the younger man, trying to figure out things.

“Seungkwan, I asked you something.” Seungkwan takes a shuddering breath in, his heart beating rapidly. 

“Yah! Boo Seungkwan. You’re scaring me now,” Junhui confesses with a frail voice. Seungkwan feels like someone is clenching his heart and telling him to be kind to _at least_ Junhui if not to himself. He ignores his figment of imagination. 

_“Seungkwan!”_

“I really hope I’ll get to see you on the other side, Moon Junhwi.” A tear escapes from Seungkwan’s eyes as he finally speaks. 

After that, Seungkwan turns out his awareness and clears out his mind. He is mildly aware that Junhui is yelling and pleading and _utterly devastated_ because he has figured out what Seungkwan is going to do. But the younger man pays no heed to it and slowly starts steering the car to the left while increasing the speed. 

In the blink of an eye, the car hits the divider, loses control and launches into the air, completing two rotations mid-air as it reaches on the other side of the expressway. The airbags activate but Seungkwan’s head still hits the roof of the car. It makes him lose consciousness, and he drifts off into _comatose._

  
  


===

  
  


_‘Boo Seungkwan!’_

_He hears someone calling his name in a voice that sounds angry. Annoyed. Raging._

_But it’s also a voice that Seungkwan is very fond of. It’s the voice of the man that unknowingly holds the key to Seungkwan’s heart._

_Wen Junhui._

  
  


Seungkwan wakes up to the view of his bedroom’s ceiling, and it makes him want to _cry._ He really thought that dying would help them escape the loop, but he just needs to accept that there is _no escape._ They are stuck here for an indefinite time. 

“Yah! Boo Seungkwan!” He sighs and gets out of the bed to see why Junhui is so mad in the morning although he knows, _he knows_ it’s about getting killed in the car accident. It sounds _surreal_ now that he thinks about the veracity that they can’t be killed. They are practically _immortals_ inside this loop. That’s probably good to know for future events now.

“What?” Seungkwan asks as he walks up to the window and punches the rat off the window with his _bare hands_ without losing his composure. It reminds him of Somnia punching the fire out and Seungkwan thinks he’s bound to follow the path of a _criminal_ if they don’t find a way out of this supernatural tragedy.

“Are you _fucking crazy?_ Are you out of your mind?”

“Hyung, listen. I can explain it. I–”

“Explain? How the fuck do you explain deliberately _killing_ us both in a car accident?” When Junhui phrases his sentence like that, the guilt _throbs_ vehemently inside Seungkwan’s stomach and his face scrunches as if he just ate something very sour.

“I–”

“You know what? You died on the spot. So you aren’t aware of it, but I was _still alive_ next to your _lifeless body._ I was trapped under the wreckage, and I was suffering in pain that you _can’t even_ imagine. I was fucking scared, and you weren’t moving and–” Tears start to meander down Junhui’s face as he hiccups. 

Seungkwan realises that he has gone and done the same thing again. He has _hurt Junhui_ again by obsessing over his own selfish motives. He truly feels horrible as the pang of guilt hits his chest like a bullet.

“I died a slow, agonising death, Boo Seungkwan. And I wasn’t even sure if I’ll ever get to live again, and I was so scared. You are such a fucking piece of shit, you know that?” Junhui rambles as he wipes his tears feverishly. Seungkwan notices some curious faces on other windows, and he understands how weird it must be for others to hear their conversation. It doesn’t matter anyway. They’ll all forget as the day resets.

Seungkwan needs to stop trying to make sense of things and finally accept defeat. _Give up._ He needs to learn to suffer in this inconsequential existence. 

_Nothing matters. Nothing matters. Nothing matters._

He needs to adopt this mantra and live by it.

“I just thought that maybe this could be a way of escaping this purgatory. Thought maybe if we died together, then we’ll finally make it to the other side,” Seungkwan confesses while looking down at his feet. 

Junhui takes a while to compose himself, wipe away the tears and reel in his rage. Then he finally looks at Seungkwan with _daggers in his eyes_ and the younger metaphorically _dies from the inside._

“I don’t want to see your face. Leave me alone.” Junhui roughly closes his window and Seungkwan never even gets to apologise for making the man suffer. 

He can’t even imagine the experience of remembering the pain so terrible that it slowly kills the person from their inability to tolerate it. Seungkwan made Junhui experience something more terrible than burning in hell and the worst of it all is, he is _alive_ and _remembers_ it well. If Seungkwan was in Junhui’s place, he might have committed murder in his vengeance.

Seungkwan decides to just go to the station and have a slow day for a change. He goes to the station, repeats his actions, repeats his words, keeps his body occupied and mind empty. Avoids thinking about Junhui. The food that he chews feels like cardboard inside his mouth and tastes like rubber. Drinking water is an instinct that human experiences but Seungkwan barely drinks. His mind does not compel him to drink water, so he ignores the liquid. 

He ignores everything, keeps to himself, minds his own business. In his muted thoughts, something comes up _again and again_ and makes him frown from the realisation.

It’s a _sad day_ because _he_ is the reason behind Junhui’s sadness.

Seungkwan starts to wonder just how _deep_ has he fallen down the hole of Junhui’s allure? A voice inside his head starts to berate him, caution him, pity him. But all Seungkwan can do is weakly justify by putting forward a simple question to himself — _why wouldn’t he be in love with Junhui?_

The man is everything and even more than Seungkwan could ever have asked for. Most importantly, Junhui makes Seungkwan feel _safe and sane_ in the weird circumstances they have landed themselves in. The _mental connection_ that Seungkwan was able to build with Junhui in eight days is something he hasn’t been able to do with other people in years. 

Seungkwan thinks that he might have genuinely locked himself inside his apartment and become a hermit, cutting all his connections from the outside world if it wasn’t for Junhui and the delight of seeing his beautiful face every day. He’s so beautiful that it should honestly be _criminal._ His whole existence should be illegal because it's _too good to be true._

Seungkwan doesn’t understand a lot of things happening in his life but one thing is for sure. He’s in love with Moon Junhwi, _his neighbour._

He reaches his own apartment later in the evening and finds the lights of Junhui’s apartment are switched off. There are two possibilities of why that may be the case. Either Junhui is suffering miserably in his doldrums and prefers to stay in the dark, or he is out of his apartment. If it’s the former then Seungkwan should really leave the man alone for the day and if it’s the latter then also Seungkwan can’t really do anything about it.

Seungkwan switches on his playlist of old K-pop songs and brings a 6-pack of beer into his room. He listens to the old blues and drinks himself to sleep.

A day without Junhui suddenly feels like a day without any significance.

It turns out to be the _blackest day_ of this infinite time loop for Seungkwan.

  
  


===

  
  


The next day, Seungkwan wakes up to Junhui leaning against his door, his face void of any reminiscent grudges and a cocky grin on his face. 

“Don’t you have something to say to me?” Junhui’s voice sounds soft and relaxed, free from all kinds of aggression. It has a spurt of warmth _bursting_ inside Seungkwan’s chest.

He actually has _a lot_ to say to Junhui. He wants to stop pretending and just be honest with him. For the first time ever, he wants to be forthcoming to the elder man and _reveal_ his heart that is painted in _technicolour_ by Junhui’s essence. But he decides today is not a good day to drop the bomb on Junhui, so he _pulls back_ his vines that are trying to reach Junhui and swallows his confession.

“From the bottom of my heart, I am sorry for hurting you, hyung.” Junhui smiles like the cat who ate the canary and walks inside Seungkwan’s apartment after removing his shoes at the foyer. 

They settle down in the living room and Seungkwan brings breakfast for two people along with all his health supplements, shoving half of them in Junhui’s palms.

“What is this?” Junhui looks at him curiously.

“Well. I just want you to have– have good health. Get used to it if you’re going to hang around me every day,” Seungkwan mumbles and looks anywhere but at Junhui. The elder takes the pills and swallows them with milk. 

“I’ll be in your care from now on,” Junhui says in a voice that sounds shy and Seungkwan busies himself with the eggs on his plate, turning a fried egg into a scrambled dish. They eat without exchanging any words and even this silence between them feels _domestic and habitual._ It feels homely and Seungkwan knows he is home, but his house feels a lot more _like home_ with Junhui around. His thought process makes no sense but that’s how he really feels.

_Confused but in love._

“So? Did you get any new information yesterday?” Junhui asks.

“No. I didn’t go out on field duty yesterday,” Seungkwan replies and then shoves the bread in his mouth that inhibits him from saying the reason why he stayed behind the station.

“Oh.” That’s all Junhui says to acknowledge Seungkwan’s words. He finishes his milk and then looks out the window with a pensive face.

“I probably had the best day of my life yesterday,” Junhui starts in a serious tone. “I cleared out my bank accounts and spent all my money on lavish delicacies, alcohol and entertainment. I pretended that I was this rich heir of a chaebol and got treated like royalty everywhere. I felt like this world was _mine!”_

“And then I woke up today and my bank balance showed the same numbers as it was yesterday morning and my heart is now full. I think I’ve finally found a way to _enjoy_ the good life in this purgatory and _bury_ the hostility deep in the boroughs of my mind.” 

Seungkwan can tell from his tone that Junhui is actually very happy and probably over the event that happened the day before yesterday. And here Seungkwan was under the impression that he isn’t going to receive absolution from Junhui any time soon. Clearly, Seungkwan shouldn’t have trusted in what he assumed, only in what he knew. And he _knows_ Junhui as a kind and forgiving soul.

“But I still kind of missed your cute face by the end of the day and thought I might’ve enjoyed more with your annoying ass by my side.” Junhui pouts with an apologetic tone abashedly. Seungkwan feels fire roaring over his face as he realises that Junhui called him cute. Junhui _thinks_ Seungkwan is cute. _Cute._ Seungkwan loves it so much, and he is going to take this compliment to his grave.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, Moon Junhwi,” Seungkwan replies, fondness dripping from his voice. 

“So, anyway! I’m glad to be back to my senses and as I remember, we have a case to solve. Or have you decided to drop me as your partner?” Junhui asks in a sweet-sounding tone and looks at Seungkwan with big eyes. 

“I don’t know. It’s dangerous for you to be out there, hyung,” Seungkwan dithers on his own words. “I think I’ll stick with Soonyoung hyung only.”

“How is it dangerous? You have already seen we can’t die! Let me tag along with you!” Junhui persists like a child, and it feels like Seungkwan is on the losing end even before the war is declared. _Whipped._ Unbelievably whipped is what Seungkwan would like to call himself.

“Okay, fine.” 

“Yay!” Junhui cheers with his hands thrown up in the air and manages to look devastatingly adorable. “So should we start by finding out more about Jung Kangdae?”

“Who?” 

“Oh,” Junhui whispers the syllable as if he has realised something very monumental. “I forgot to tell you. That day, when you were trying to get the name of the boss of jopok at Somnia’s office, the men outside the door were loudly ridiculing your guts and saying that wanting to know _Jung Kangdae’s_ name is asking for death to be delivered at your doorstep on priority shipping. And I stood at the door, doing the thing that I do best that is putting on the _act of being an oblivious man_ and heard them all basically reveal the fact that the man you’re looking for that is connected to Lim Jeongmun’s demise is a family man who owns a company that produces and exports steel and goes to the church every Sunday.” Junhui finishes narrating and Seungkwan is left with his jaw dropping to the floor.

In just a few sentences, Seungkwan is bombarded with way too much information than his brain can handle. _One,_ Seungkwan now knows the name and the occupation of jopok’s hyungnim. _Two,_ Junhui clearly isn’t as oblivious as Seungkwan makes him out to be which is disconcerting because now he isn’t sure if Junhui’s flirting is natural or intentional. _Three,_ he now needs to find enough evidence against Jung Kangdae to issue an arrest warrant against the leader of an organised crime organisation who bribes politicians and police to keep people away from their affairs.

_Brilliant._

“Moon Junhwi.” It’s all that comes out of Seungkwan’s mouth as he slowly adjusts his mind to startling information. Junhui moves from his place and starts to gently pat Seungkwan’s head. It feels _comforting and grounding._

“Are you sure you’re a competent police officer? Because you kind of have a hard time absorbing facts, and I’m just concerned,” Junhui speaks in what is meant to be a worrisome voice but Seungkwan can detect the sarcasm in it. After all, he is a police officer.

Seungkwan lightly punches Junhui’s stomach with a frown on his face. 

“Shut the fuck up, Moon Junhwi!”

  
  


===

  
  


In a very expected fashion, Seungkwan loses semblance of time and space as he wakes up every day to the same date flashing on his phone and goes through the same set of events repeating themselves over and over again. It’s the same _repetitive motions_ and Seungkwan is so used to it that he can navigate himself through the whole day _blindfolded._ The days drift by inside a fog, and sometimes it gets intoxicating. But Junhui stays beside him like an anchor and leads Seungkwan towards a fresher and idyllic space where he breathes better, breathes fine. 

Some days, they try to figure out a way to find the middlemen in the case of the assassination. Some days Junhui drags him to explore the city and eat in obscure Chinese restaurants (Seungkwan’s tolerance for the elder’s levels of spice is abysmal, and it always ends up being a disastrous affair). Some days, they just stay in and watch sci-fi films that focus on time loops and watch documentaries that explain the quantum mechanics behind different alternate realities. Seungkwan ends up with a little more knowledge than before but _sadly_ does not end up with a doctorate that would help him devise a gadget that can help them escape this _monstrosity._

Some days, Junhui takes Seungkwan on a ride on his motorcycle and the younger starts to think he’s living his _teenage dreams,_ riding behind his love and feeling the crispy wind hit his face. The loud roaring of the engine stimulates Seungkwan in ways he can’t explain, and he’s embossed Junhui’s _strong and broad_ back in the back of his mind. Their rides always drive a truck right through Seungkwan’s heart. 

Some days they go and hang out in a park, observing the flora and fauna and the types of people that frequent the place. They exchange stories from university and police stations, finding similarities between educational institutions and law enforcement agencies and unravel anecdotes and secrets that start to pile up around them like _cherry blossoms._ Seungkwan is already knee-deep in memories of Junhui’s past life, and yet he _yearns_ to learn more and get submerged by the elder’s existence and swim in it. 

“How many days have passed?” Seungkwan asks as they both lay down on sheets messily laid on Junhui’s living room, the coffee table pushed to the side to make room for two adults. He has one of his hands stretched up, and he studies the veins protruding on top of them. He had badly injured his hands on the previous day in a fistfight but all the gashes and blood disappeared with the _new-old_ dawn. 

“78 days.” 

“You mean we are in December?” Seungkwan puts down his hand and turns his face to look at Junhui. Sharp nose. Rose-tinted lips. Golden skin and a side profile that could have _gods_ descending to the mortal plane to witness the perfection. Seungkwan is just a regular human. 

“I mean we are still in September if that’s helpful,” Junhui replies cheekily, pushing his already swept off hair back. 

Things have become significantly easier with Junhui and Seungkwan is familiar with their relationship, with Junhui’s _actions_ and his _opposite reactions._ The _vines_ that signify his love for Junhui grow longer and twist in arcane patterns around his own body, hindering him from staying away from Junhui for too long. His love grows deeper, taking a piece of him every day and pulling him towards the depth of the uncharted waters. And Seungkwan feels _right at home._

Nonetheless, as the days go by, it gets easier to hide his yearning as he has unlocked the special privileges of being _Junhui’s friend_ which essentially helps him to use derision as his way of deflecting his longing. They argue. _Argue a lot._ Over trivial things, over something extremely colossal. The words never stop and in one of their squabbles, Seungkwan realises they address each other with their full names more often than not. 

_‘Yah Boo Seungkwan!’_

_‘Aish Moon Junhwi!’_

Maybe this could be the _equivalent_ of having endearments for each other.

The yearning stays hidden until Seungkwan safely returns to his apartment at night and in the secrecy of his own sanctuary, he openly _longs_ for a man with a face that has a whole new _constellation_ painted over it and eyes that hold the _secrets_ to the beginning of this universe. Every night, he sings songs that lighten the tightness in his heart but populates the butterflies violently fluttering to reach Junhui. 

“Do you think we are ageing?” Seungkwan asks another question, closing his eyes and letting the white dots dance on the back of his eyelids.

“Mentally? Yes, we are but physically? I think we are staying young forever,” Junhui answers. 

“Can you live like this _forever?_ Without any purpose to life?” Junhui breathes in loudly and Seungkwan hears a heavy rustling sound beside him. Seconds later, he feels something _solid and warm_ land over the dip of his stomach and his eyes shoot open to find Junhui laying his head over the younger’s stomach, using it as a headrest to get more comfortable. 

The scent of orange blossom _overpowers_ his nose and if Seungkwan knew any better, he would think he’s lying down in one of the orange gardens in Jeju. 

Junhui’s head on Seungkwan’s tummy feels _cataclysmic_ to his heart but _nurturing_ to his mind. It is physical contact of another human and _god knows_ how much he’s been deprived of it lately. This is one of the privileges Seungkwan gets to unlock after being Wen Junhui’s friend. He wonders what more he can do to blur the lines of friendship and get closer to Junhui. 

“I haven’t really thought about it. But if you really look into it too deeply, there’s probably a philosophical or spiritual answer for it,” Junhui says as he closes his eyes again and Seungkwan’s hands lying to his side itches to move and swipe their way through the elder’s soft brown locks. 

Seungkwan subdues his inhibitions and dares a little. If anything, Junhui has given him this opportunity and only a _fool_ will pass up on it. Seungkwan is no fool.

He gingerly lifts his fingers and gently brushes a few strands of hair, untangling the knots carefully at the end and treating Junhui as if he’s the _most delicate_ piece of sculpture that would break with even a little bit of force. Junhui purrs in satisfaction and a small smile forms on his lips as he pushes his head more into Seungkwan’s hand. The younger dares and indulges himself in something that has always stayed _trapped_ in his fantasies.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“People who claim to have reached a higher level of mental state say that finding happiness is the greatest purpose of life. But happiness is just one of the many emotions a human feels. Why should we give this _one emotion_ precedence over others?” 

“Are you going to say that suffering is essential for living?” Seungkwan interrupts Junhui with furrowed brows, already knowing how this discourse goes. He has read the Pāli Canon after all. 

“Well, it is what it is. Happiness is like a _firecracker_ bursting into a show of vivid colours and shapes in the night sky. It’s short-lived and infectious, enrapturing everyone around it. Whereas suffering is like an _incense stick._ It burns slowly and silently, lasting for a long period and leaving behind smoke and ashes of misery and pain. While happiness reaches more people and gives you hope, it doesn’t have the same effect as suffering that teaches you the great lessons of life and builds compassion inside you that helps others in their time of need.” 

Seungkwan looks at Junhui in awe as he absorbs a perspective that leaves him falling deep into a pit of self-retrospection. 

“But what I was initially trying to say is, instead of chasing after finding happiness, we should learn and discover as much as we can and share our experiences with others, relieving people of their sufferings. When you’re upset, you never go to the happiest man in the room to help you feel better but a person who already knows the pain behind the countless miseries and empathises with your worries.” 

Seungkwan quietly listens to Junhui speak, humming intermittently in between to let the elder know he has his whole attention while gently massaging his scalp with his fingertips. 

“Stop thinking we have no purpose here. Instead, just take every new day as a _chance_ to experience something new and enrich your memories.” 

After that, they exchange a few more words and eventually drift off to sleep, lying on top of one another, _diminishing_ spaces between them and _filling_ the gaps with familiarity. 

  
  


===

  
  


“Seungkwannie?” 

“Yes, hyung?” 

“Wanna meet Myungho?” Seungkwan’s attention is piqued at the mention of Junhui’s best friend (Hansol’s boyfriend, but he still is bearing grudges against it). He’s learnt a fair bit about the Chinese man, _Xu Minghao,_ who has been an integral part of Hansol’s life for a while now. But Seungkwan thinks spoken words and pictures can’t really compare to the person in warm and solid existence right in front of Seungkwan’s eyes. 

“When?” He asks while preparing himself some Iced Americano, pretending casualness while desperately wanting to meet this man. 

“Today! Come on!” Junhui leaps towards him and puts his fingers on Seungkwan’s shoulder, pulling on them lightly. “His studio is right above his apartment so let’s go.” 

“But the man wouldn’t even know I exist,” Seungkwan argues, putting forward a very _valid_ point because in normal reality, on September 18th, Seungkwan and Junhui were practically strangers. Exclusively neighbours and nothing else. 

“What nonsensical excuse is that? He can always know you exist,” Junhui says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world. Maybe it is and Seungkwan is magnifying the issue for nothing. “For starters, he can be introduced to you as Hansol’s man. Myungho would surely appreciate it.” 

Seungkwan wonders if Hansol has ever mentioned him to Minghao. He tries to come up with more excuses but eventually gets roped into meeting Minghao, none of his excuses entertained. 

  
  


The studio that Minghao owns is filled with a motley group of pictures pinned on the wall and strewn on the floor along with films, stands, different cameras and wine bottles filled with lavenders and baby’s breath. The only thing that comes to Seungkwan’s mind is an _orderly mess_ to describe the studio. 

When Junhui rings the bell of the studio, the man who opens the door looks _sharper_ than the images but at the same time _softer and gentler._ Minghao is wearing a grey high neck sweater that hugs his body along with very loose-fitting black trousers. There are very thin frame glasses hanging from the tip of his nose and his black hair are matted to his head, clearly from not being styled. From first glance, Seungkwan can compare Minghao to one of the many pretentious artists he has worked with to solve cases in the past. They all are too much to handle, and he wonders how a man like him is dating a man like Hansol. The man is wild in a very _chaotic way_ compared to Minghao’s evident _strict free-spirit._

Minghao speaks something to Junhui in Mandarin, his eyes suspiciously eyeing Seungkwan.

“Myungho-yah! This is my friend Seungkwan. I thought it would be good to have you both meet,” Junhui announces with a huge grin on his face. Seungkwan wants to run away out of embarrassment. 

“Seungkwan-ssi. Your name is very _familiar.”_ Minghao switches to Korean and extends his hands towards him with immaculate grace.

“That’s because he is Hansollie’s best friend!” 

“Ah!” The countenance on Minghao’s face turns from guarded to joyful in seconds, and he excitedly shakes Seungkwan’s hands, a grin matching Junhui’s. “Of course! _Seungkwan-ssi._ Come on in! I’ve heard so much about you.” Minghao pulls on Seungkwan’s hands and guides him inside.

“You have?”

“Yes! Hansol never shuts up about you. I’ve been meaning to get him to have us meet, but I never thought that you’ll come to me.” Seungkwan cannot believe this. Apparently, Hansol has _no qualms_ mentioning him to Minghao, but he couldn’t even inform Seungkwan about Minghao. Seems like Hansol wasn’t lying when he said he honestly forgot to mention he’s not single. And Seungkwan hates how it's such a _Hansol-thing_ to forget about things.

“Hansol hasn’t told me about you yet. I got to know it from Jun hyung,” Seungkwan clarifies while pointing back at the elder man.

Minghao offers him to sit on a sofa and finally looks back at Junhui.

“I see.” Minghao accepts. “Well, I’m curious how you both know each other and,” Minghao shoots a suspicious glance towards Junhui. “Why haven’t I heard of this friendship before.” He mutters the last word through gritted teeth.

Junhui casually sits beside Seungkwan, trapping the younger between the armrest and himself. There is space for three people to sit comfortably next to Junhui, yet he expresses no intention to move away. In a way, he is letting Seungkwan have the only thing that he's familiar with _close to him_ while simultaneously _protecting_ Seungkwan from Minghao. The younger appreciates it and silently shows his gratitude by placing his hand over Junhui’s upper knee and squeezing it lightly. 

“Well, we’ve been stuck in a time loop and are forced to stick to each other. Regardless of that, I’ve become quite _fond_ of Seungkwannie, and we have developed quite a _strong bond,”_ Junhui replies airily, throwing his hand around Seungkwan’s shoulder and pulling him closer. There is so much heat _emanating_ from Junhui and Seungkwan presses in out of reflex, the longing to stay pressed like this forever trying to _crawl_ its way out of the walls of his heart. 

The younger forces a courteous smile on his lips while internally panicking because _fucking hell_ that’s exactly what is happening here. Minghao doesn’t look impressed and sighs. It seems like the man is already used to Junhui’s eccentric behaviour and this seems like a normal _Junhui-thing_ to say. If Seungkwan processes the sentence from a normal point of view, it does sound outrageous and foolish. That’s _valid._

“Blink twice if he is forcing you to be his friend.” Seungkwan widens his eyes and compels his brain to not blink. Tears spill from his eyes, but he looks at Minghao with resolute determination because _nothing_ was truly forced between Junhui and Seungkwan. Maybe the repetition of the day but not their relationship. At least not from Seungkwan’s side. He hopes it is true for the elder man as well.

“It’s not mandatory for me to tell you about every single person I interact with,” Junhui says while unfurling his fingers from Seungkwan’s shoulder and pulling his body away. The younger tries not to let the ache of separation surface to his face.

“We are neighbours if you’re that desperate to know,” Junhui supplies while getting comfortable on the sofa, still sticking close to Seungkwan.

Minghao slowly registers their relationship, a very knowing expression dawning on his face. He turns to look at Seungkwan with a sly smile, his eyes gleaming with something close to mischief. 

“You are neighbours, _I see.”_ Seungkwan instantly concludes that Hansol is a _fucking rat,_ and he’s probably opened his big mouth in front of Minghao. He’s gonna kill his best friend.

“Do you know something I don’t?” Junhui asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not telling you because it’s not my secret to tell.” Minghao waves off Junhui. “It’s Hansol’s.”

Junhui turns to look at Seungkwan who automatically shrugs his shoulders like the liar he is and feigns obliviousness. Hopefully, Junhui doesn’t see through the facade and lets go of this soon.

“Would you like to drink something, Seungkwan-ssi?” Minghao asks politely. Seungkwan opens his mouth to respectfully decline the offer but Junhui beats him to it.

“He likes Iced Americano. And for me–”

“I don’t have anything to feed Moon Junhwi at my place.” Minghao leaves with that comment.

“You really had to tell him the truth, didn’t you?” Seungkwan asks once he is sure the Minghao is far enough from them.

“I’ve told him the truth quite a few times. After all, he’s my friend. Of course, he never believes it, but he comforts me and listens to my whining which is more than enough,” Junhui confesses in a small voice. A part of Seungkwan wants to pull Junhui towards him and tell him to let Seungkwan be _his comfort._ He wants Junhui to rely on him, cry with him, find a paradise within him. Seungkwan is a coward and knows when to keep his mouth shut.

Time passes away easily and Seungkwan learns that Minghao and Hansol met each other on Grindr which is very _surprising_ information because Seungkwan never deemed Hansol as a guy who would use dating apps to find potential partners. But somehow, it worked out for the two men, and they have been in a very satisfying relationship for the past 3 months (Seungkwan is really going to kill Hansol if things go back to normal because not letting him know for _3 months_ is taking the piss).

Minghao curiously asks why Seungkwan isn’t on-duty today while his boyfriend has gone to the station and the youngest comes up with the lame excuse of taking annual leave. Luckily, Minghao doesn’t argue further and accepts it.

After dinner, when Junhui excuses himself to use the bathroom, Minghao looks at Seungkwan with a big smile on his face and there is no escaping anymore.

“You like Junnie hyung?” Seungkwan shyly covers his red face with his hands and confirms it in a muffled voice. Minghao rests his chin on his hand placed on the table and looks at Seungkwan with a doting smile. 

“Do you think I have a shot with a man like him?” Seungkwan asks as he removes one of his hands to look at Minghao. The latter takes a sip from his glass of water and looks out of the window with a wistful expression.

“Only he can answer that question for you. Nobody else. If you’ve managed to learn something about him, I’m sure it's that he is a very private and stubborn person. _Too proud_ to ever show his vulnerable side to people, even the ones he loves.” And Seungkwan agrees easily because every day he feels like he’s knocking on heaven’s door and trying to get _permission_ to enter inside and learn the vast secrets of the universe.

“As far as I know Junnie hyung, he’s not someone whose tastes are _superficial._ If you make him laugh and cry simultaneously, then you have a solid chance. He’s someone who wants both the _beautiful and ugly_ aspects of a relationship and learn the fragility of life from it. If you haven’t noticed, he's very curious and always looking for new things to assimilate. Could be rather annoying sometimes, but he makes it adorable,” Minghao finishes with a smile that drips his own love for Junhui. If Seungkwan didn’t know about his relationship status, he would be burning in jealousy right now. But all he feels is _warm and a bit blue._

He ends up liking Minghao by the end of the evening and silently gives Hansol his blessings. Not that Hansol asked for it in the first place but Seungkwan feels a sense of responsibility to do so anyway.

  
  


===

  
  


_Impalpably,_ it’s January. _A new year._ A time to make new resolutions and promises. _Physically,_ they are still stuck in September and have come to a grave conclusion.

The case _can’t_ be solved in a single day. There is no way Seungkwan can arrest Kangdae and his men that are involved in the assassination in a single day. Everything resets and cases like these take the cumulative passage of time. Even when Seungkwan has the name and has tried walking into Inspector Yoon Jeonghan’s office, urging his senior to arrest with all the supposed evidence scattered around in the city, it never works in his favour.

“Gyongjang Boo, there is a protocol to be followed. I will ask my superiors to send some men to investigate further tomorrow. I appreciate all this information, and you can sit back for now and take a break if that suits you.” Jeonghan shuts down his efforts every single time. 

_Tomorrow._ There is no tomorrow. Tomorrow is today and yesterday is also today. Time has no significance. Time is unredeemable. It is just an abstract concept filled with perpetual possibilities that amount to _nothing._

“What are our options?” Junhui asks him intently.

Seungkwan takes a deep breath.

“There is no rest for the wicked.”

And so they keep looking. 

Searching for clues so that _justice prevails._

Searching for a way to find an _end to this._

  
  


===

  
  


Murphy’s law states that if anything can go wrong, it will. The external factors can never counter the pessimistic reality of how the universe works. 

Seungkwan hates the situation he’s got himself into. Maybe the _illusion_ of the vicious circle had made him believe he was a supreme being that could never be killed. Which is essentially true, and he will _accept_ the fact with his whole chest that his skin has thickened in the past few months. But the way he’s got himself in the sticky situation makes him want to pull his own guts out.

He was snooping around one of the warehouses that was rented under the name of Lee Yongsun, a politician who happens to be a _very good friend_ of Jung Kangdae and coincidentally, in the _same party_ as the new man who has taken Lim Jeongmun’s seat in the National Assembly. But things soon got out of hand when they were surrounded by five men and forced to give in to brute force.

Seungkwan along with Junhui are then taken inside the warehouse where they come face to face with a middle-aged man, a face that Seungkwan _cannot forget._ His hair is an amalgamation of black and white, his face clearly showing its age with wrinkles over his forehead and under his eyes. He wears a crisp brown suit, a cream shirt underneath that shows that this man sits with people of great significance. He wears tinted glasses in a stockroom with dim-lighting and Seungkwan is painfully aware that he’s the same man that the officer has been trying to put behind bars all this time. 

They are _face to face_ with Jung Kangdae. 

“Now what do we have here? Two lost birds trying to flap their wings in a no-fly zone?” Kangdae’s voice sounds deep and formidable which leaves a shudder down Seungkwan’s spine, as he struggles in the hold of two men. Junhui, on the other hand, just stands still and looks at Kangdae with an exhausted glare. 

“He’s a police officer, hyungnim.” One of the men next to Seungkwan speaks up.

“Oh? The police got to us so quickly? I’m impressed.” Seungkwan wants to say that it actually took him _months_ to reach here but decides to overlook the truth and try to escape the hooligans.

“What do you want to know son?” Kangdae offers as he sits back on the dilapidated wooden chair.

“How did you get yourself involved in Lim Jeongmun’s assassination?” There really is no point in stalling. Kangdae freezes. At least that’s what Seungkwan thinks has happened because he can’t gauge much of his expression with those big glasses hiding his face.

“I always have respect for people who get straight to the point, so I will entertain you here,” Kangdae says. “Yes, Lim Jeongmun was killed by my men. The CEO of Dongsoo Corp wanted him dead and paid the right amount to have his wish granted.” 

“How does Dongsoo Corp profit from this?” Seungkwan asks, clearly unable to make the connection here.

“Dongsoo Corp operates in the district that is dominated by the _opposing party._ Clearly, the CEO’s arms were twisted here by people in power,” Junhui concludes robotically, still glaring at Kangdae.

For a second, silence follows and even Seungkwan remains shell-shocked at the fact that Junhui was able to conclude so quickly. Kangdae slowly removes his glasses and looks at Junhui with wild, wide eyes.

“You– who is he?” 

“Don’t know, hyungnim,” the man replies uselessly. “Yah! Who are you?” He slaps Junhui’s back and Seungkwan has the urge to break his teeth for even touching the elder man.

“Chinese.” Seungkwan knows the situation they are stuck in is not funny, but he can’t help but _laugh_ at Junhui’s response. He laughs and tears pool around his eyes because the _absurdity of Wen Junhui_ knows no bounds and Seungkwan genuinely envies how Junhui can be so funny without even trying. All eyes are on Seungkwan, but he’s also super aware that everyone has their guards down at the moment. A perfect moment to put his police training into some good use.

“Hyung, _gwaja!”_ Seungkwan pushes one of the men using his butt and as the man’s grip loosens around him, he punches the other man right in the balls, turning around to smack the previous man's neck dead-on that has him losing consciousness instantly.

He steals a glance towards Junhui to find him putting up an equally tough fight with the two men and goes back to punching the other man. Kangdae unleashes his rage in harsh words and in the back of his mind, Seungkwan knows there is meant to be a _fifth man_ who was standing beside Kangdae. 

Once the second man drops to the ground, Seungkwan turns around with a limp. He licks his lips and tastes _iron_ on his tongue, the sting surging on his cheeks. As he looks at the unconscious man lying on the ground, he notices a pistol that probably must’ve been dropped by the man. Seungkwan scrutinises the gun and realises it's a Daewoo K5. _Semi-automatic service pistol._ Now Seungkwan knows it's illegal to operate a gun in South Korea, but he also knows that _nothing matters_ and there are no consequences whatsoever. So he crouches down to pick up the gun, feels the cold and smooth metal prick his skin and aims it straight at Kangdae. Although his fingers falter when he _sees_ what's happening.

Junhui was able to fend off the two thugs that had latched onto him but somehow he is now lying on the ground, the fifth man perched over him with a sharp knife in his hand. Junhui is struggling hard, _panting_ for air while his light blue shirt slowly _bleeds_ into red, his pretty face _battered_ like a heated metal pounded into shape by a peen hammer.

Seungkwan’s vision is washed by _shades of red_ that slowly blend into orange until everything bleeds out, and he sees _stark white._ Nothing is supposed to matter but Seungkwan’s emotions overwhelm his gut, and he’s automatically aiming the gun at the man above Junhui. Above the only man that _matters to him_ in this reality.

The rush of adrenaline and rage shuts his rationality and his instincts drive his body and do the work for him. A couple rounds of violent gunshots ring _loudly_ in the stockroom and Seungkwan finally drops the pistol once he’s sure the danger has been averted.

His sight comes back to normality, and he watches Junhui slithering away from the lifeless body with an ashen face, his eyes staring at the scene in _pure horror._

Seungkwan trudges towards Junhui, his body still recovering from the spurt of adrenaline and the fear of losing the elder man. He gives Junhui a hand and the latter takes it hesitantly, pulling his body off the ground and standing on shaky knees.

“S-seungkwan,” Junhui calls out his name in a shivering voice, the shock subjugating his stable demeanour. Junhui is a tall and broad man but like this, in Seungkwan’s arms, he looks so _small and fragile,_ his body trembling ever so slightly. His wavering eyes seem cloudy with something unexplainable and the open and tender expression on his face _breaks_ Seungkwan’s heart into millions of tiny pieces.

“Hyung, let’s get out.” Seungkwan’s voice comes out flat, devoid of any warmth and compassion that he desperately wants to give to Junhui. 

“What did you do?” The question vexes Seungkwan.

“Saved your life.” He bites back as he tries to pull Junhui towards the exit.

“I would’ve woken up back to the same day, Seungkwan-ah. You don’t have to kill for me,” Junhui ratiocinates. Seungkwan does not want to argue with Junhui right now, but he’s making a fuss out of a logic that can work both ways. 

_“Exactly._ The day will reset, and they will be alive tomorrow, Moon Junhwi.”

_“Still!_ You will have to walk around with this guilty conscience of killing!” Junhui’s voice sounds wet and Seungkwan does not even have the courage to look him in the eye and see the hurt in there. Most importantly, it breaks him to know that Junhui is only disturbed because he does not want the younger man to suffer from the aftermath of this. 

The vines, once again, start to move towards Junhui with violent tremors and much greater potency. Seungkwan can no longer hold on to them.

“It doesn’t matter,” Seungkwan weakly mutters.

“You shouldn’t hav–” The younger man without notice grabs Junhui’s collar and crowds into the latter’s space, looking at him with intense eyes, his emotions overflowing from his heart like a waterfall.

_“Hyung!_ I don’t care what you think I should’ve done. I will kill a hundred times over to save your life in every situation, do you understand? You are not just another person. You are _the person._ I will never regret killing someone to save your life.”

The confession rings louder than the gunshots between them. Here he stands, _naked and vulnerable_ in front of the man he loves, all his feelings interwoven in the words that he just said. 

In ancient times, when people wanted to confess their feelings, didn’t they say the exact same thing? 

_‘I will kill for you without any regret.’_

Seungkwan looks at Junhui whose lips part, wanting to say something. Junhui makes a sound from his throat, the beginning of a sentence, until he takes it back in and releases a trembling breath instead. Seungkwan takes a deep gulp, his eyes landing on the lips adorned by two moles and for a second, _wonders_ if Junhui will push him away if he just pressed his own lips against his and tasted the sweet nectar of _forbidden desire._ But the second passes away too quickly, and he sobers up, unclenching his fingers around Junhui’s collar and pulling back. He starts to walk away towards the car. Junhui shortly follows him.

They drive back without exchanging a single word, consumed entirely by their overbearing thoughts.

  
  


===

  
  


Funnily enough, both Seungkwan and Junhui are adept at ignoring the important circumstances in life, and they greet each other the next day normally, putting up a _grand play_ and pretending that nothing has changed. The issue is nimbly swept under the rug.

Although, the _rupture_ in their friendship further disintegrates and they both fail to act like friends. Their hands linger for _longer,_ the stolen glances _intensify_ and the space between them _shrinks._

  
  


===

  
  


“Seungkwan-ah?”

“Hmm?”

“Give me your time.”

Seungkwan stops munching on his morning jjigae and looks at Junhui with a befuddled face.

“My time?”

“I mean, I know we have been taking breaks in the middle of this investigation but can we take a longer one this time? We know the culprits, we have collected enough evidence against them and technically solved the case. Let’s just, I don’t know, live for a while.” 

Seungkwan easily agrees. Doesn’t even take a moment to think about it and just expresses an enthusiastic affirmative.

They make a list of things they want to do, things they have always been scared to do, things they always avoided doing in lieu of savings.

_A bucket list._

Seungkwan’s list includes going to Everland, somehow meeting his favourite Insamgongsa volleyball players, volunteering at daycare, going to karaoke, staying in to catch up with lots of dramas, attempting to make fresh kimchi at home, practising meditation to cope with his anger issues and lots of restaurants around Seoul Metropolitan Area.

Whereas Junhui’s list includes even more restaurants, exploring Seoul like a local, going to escape rooms along with haunted houses, visiting Shenzhen, sleeping all day, visiting a cat café, baking a cake from scratch, getting matching tattoos and indulging Seungkwan’s wishes on his supposed birthday.

They both know half the things on the list are nearly impossible with their one-day constraint and reluctance to do things like sports for Junhui and anything remotely haunting for Seungkwan, but it is always good to dream and have big aspirations. 

And so, their adventure begins.

Seungkwan creates a timeless piece of art in the form of memories, giving it a _heart_ of its own that starts to beat in Seungkwan’s remembrance.

_Deeper and deeper._

_Harder and harder._

_Closer and closer._

Love manifests between them like a river in monsoon, brimming with joy and life, its course running with serene innocence.

Seungkwan’s perpetual longing bares itself like a tangerine being peeled delicately followed by the agony of unrequited love.

  
  


===

  
  


Contrary to how it looks, Seungkwan isn’t a big fan of being put in a spot. Mostly because people think they always have an upper hand over him and can exploit him and make him do whatever they want.

Seungkwan always likes to be _prepared_ for the worst.

So when one night, Junhui corners him to the edge of the room and traps his body in between his arms, looking at him with an unreadable expression, Seungkwan can’t understand what he should make of this position that he’s got himself into. He tries to make sense of it, thinks about the cause, the factors, the apparatus, like it's a _fucking experiment,_ and he’s the _bloody scientist_ trying to solve the logic behind it.

“Yah Moon Junhwi.” He lightly pushes Junhui’s shoulders, feeling suffocated and exposed.

“Let's _stop_ pretending, Seungkwan-ah.” Just a whisper makes the scenario more _intimate and delicate._ Seungkwan is suddenly scared to break this, afraid to lose the proximity. He hears his heart rumbling in his chest.

“I don’t understand what you mean.” Because he truly doesn’t. Although somewhere deep inside, he knows and the hesitation is killing him. The _lies and pretences_ are piling over each other and turning into a mountain taller than Seungkwan.

“As much as I love the chase and games, I’m tired.” Junhui slowly rests his forehead over Seungkwan’s shoulder and lets his body sag. Seungkwan curls his hands around Junhui’s waist to support him.

“Do you want to rest–”

“Seungkwan! _I know._ I’ve known for a while already,” Junhui yells into the younger’s shoulder and the latter feels the vibration of his voice penetrating to his bones.

“Know what?”

“You like me.”

Seungkwan has never been physically subjected to a tsunami, but he thinks the way he feels now could be comparable to how a normal human may feel at the time. The waves as tall as high rise buildings approach him, and he stays frozen still with _fear._ He wants to run, but his legs won't move, wants to look away, but his head won't move. So he stays still and _bleeds,_ his needs rendering him motionless and speechless.

The waves pull him under and he _drowns._

The skies have opened and _delivered a mess._

“And I don’t understand how you fail to see it, but _I like you,_ Boo Seungkwan. Have wanted you for so long.” Junhui pulls back. 

Suddenly, amid the depths of the ocean, Seungkwan opens his mouth and breathes naturally. 

_Well._ Seungkwan never saw it coming, that's for sure.

But with the admission out in the open, Seungkwan finally feels the blindfold come off his eyes and _truly sees_ what he’s been trying to deny.

“Why do you do this to me? Stop torturing me,” Junhui pleads, his hands weakly holding on to Seungkwan’s shirt. He looks small and broken. Something that needs to be _protected_ from the whole world.

“You think I do this on _purpose?_ Do you think I enjoy it?” Seungkwan tightens his grip around Junhui’s waist, his mind growling out of possessiveness, making his body act in response to it. “Hyung, I’ve always–”

“Always?” Junhui looks at him, nervousness peeking through his big eyes, his cheeks gradually turning _pink and lovely._

“I’ve been kind of pining over you even _before_ we got stuck in this loop.”

“Really?” Junhui gasps, tugging Seungkwan’s sleeves and pulling him closer, sewing close the already small distance between them.

As they stand so close to each other, faces barely a needle apart, Seungkwan remembers the day he yelled at Junhui, the _unspoken confession_ floating below the words. Junhui’s face was filled with half a dozen cuts, the dirt and blood forming something truly _heartbreaking_ over his face. Even then, he looked beautiful, _so beautiful_ and Seungkwan wanted to kiss him. 

Now, a flawless face coloured in surprise looks at him, the red of blood replaced by pink of flush and Seungkwan finds him even more beautiful, _truly magnificent._

“Hyung–”

“Seungkwan-ah.” Junhui raises his hands and tenderly brushes the back of his fingers over Seungkwan’s cheeks. A fire gets _kindled_ on the trail left behind Junhui’s fingers. Seungkwan raises his hand to hold on to the hand over his face. He does it to _ground_ himself, he does it to _believe_ that this is real. Junhui is warm and solid in front of him, _entrancingly real._ The only real thing in his life at the moment. But even in his normal life, Seungkwan would only want Junhui to be the _most real_ in his life.

Junhui starts to giggle as he watches tears spilling from the corner of Seungkwan’s eyes. His voice is all airy and wet but at the same time deep that somehow sounds _silvery and melodious._ His eyes are all crinkly, and it's _infectious_ to look at a smiling Junhui. A smile breaks on the younger man’s face.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that you are here,” Seungkwan squeezes Junhui’s hands and drags it down, bringing and resting them over Seungkwan’s erratically beating heart. “In my arms. And you look so pretty and precious like this. Please tell me this isn’t another one of your practical jokes hyung because I don–'' Seungkwan can’t even finish his sentence as he breaks into a full-blown sob.

Junhui quickly frees both his arms and wraps them around Seungkwan. Instead of suffocating, Seungkwan feels _safe and wanted._ Feels like this is what he has been waiting for all his life. 

Seungkwan’s knees finally give up on him and the profound revelation of feelings that were deeply buried inside his heart exhaust him. He starts to slump against the wall and Junhui gets pulled down with him. Seungkwan doesn’t know how but somehow half of his body ends up on Junhui’s lap, while the elder man sits with his back resting against the wall. He tries to pull away and find a better place to sit but Junhui pulls him back.

_“Please,”_ Junhui whispers, desperation bleeding from his voice. “Only for tonight, let's just stay like this.” And Seungkwan completely gets where Junhui is coming from. The familiarity behind Junhui’s words comes naturally to him now. 

Humans have a natural tendency to be touched by others. And the deprivation of physical contact leads to skin hunger. Both Seungkwan and Junhui have been _touch-starved_ for so long, suffering the anguish of their wicked circumstances alone. As Seungkwan ponders over this more, even the thought of separating from Junhui feels devastating, the pull between them like a _magnetic attraction._

Seungkwan nods, securing a better position to sit on the floor next to Junhui that doesn’t strain his short achilles tendon. 

They don’t speak a word because they both know what this means, know what is happening. It feels benign, but it also feels like a leap of faith for love. For now, they both start to drift to sleep to the beat of their hearts which beats in sync. 

_Nothing happens._

Except for that one kiss that Junhui quietly plants on Seungkwan’s forehead while the younger’s head rests on his shoulder as he pretends to be asleep. 

After that, sleep doesn’t come easily to him but somehow, he manages, the gentle rhythm of Junhui’s slow and regular breathing lulling him to sleep.

  
  


===

  
  


After almost 5 months, Seungkwan finally takes up Junhui’s countless offers of a date seriously. They both decide it doesn’t matter that nothing matters. If they are going to do this, then they are going to do this right. The _vagueness_ here simply insinuates that they are going to go on dates before jumping on the lust train and visiting the carnal paradise. 

In the hours of late afternoon, Seungkwan stands in front of his dresser and wonders what he can wear here that will make him look absolutely irresistible. Once the realisation hits him, he crouches on the floor with his head in his hands. It is starting to feel like he’s in high school again, and he's going on a date for the _very first time._ His body jitters with excitement as his jaw aches from the perennial smile on his face. 

He ends up wearing a floral print white shirt and pairs it with black trousers, his hair styled in such a way that it falls delicately over his eyes. He looks demure and sexy. Not only that, but he looks like a man who is in love and Seungkwan thinks that is a good measure to stop over analysing his looks and just enjoy the night.

Downstairs, Junhui stands beside his motorcycle resting on the stand, looking the part of the bad boy who rides a bike by wearing a leather jacket and combat boots. As _cliché_ as it is meant to be and as much as Seungkwan is usually _immune_ to this kind of appeal, his heart starts to beat faster than a race car, and he just gawks at the elder man. 

Although Junhui’s personality is completely opposite of how he looks and all of this starts to look a bit stupid.

Junhui smirks as he catches on to Seungkwan’s inner turmoil and the latter prays for the ground to split open so that he can dive right into it and escape this mortifying ordeal.

Even when they have the luxury to splurge on a fine dining restaurant, Seungkwan and Junhui end up in a quaint hole-in-the-wall place, preferring to _detach_ themselves from the _dreamlike_ quality of their circumstances. They sit across each other with gopchang served in a round griddle between them. 

Junhui looks at him with a fond smile on his face, a hint of perpetual _mischief_ swirling in his eyes.

“You look good, hyung,” Seungkwan says, the hot food forgotten in front of them.

“Oh? _Finally,_ something different from the norm.” Junhui eases up as he picks up his chopstick to pick a piece of meat.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, don't take this the wrong way, but even when this is supposed to be a date, I get this feeling that nothing has truly changed here.” And Seungkwan hates it when words make complete sense. He was really psyched for today and had thought of different ways the night will go. 

It was supposed to be a fulfilling dinner filled with conversations that somehow led to a walk next to Han river, the conversation never finding an end and finally riding back to Junhui’s apartment and watching an episode of a funny reality show, ending the night with deciphering the beauty of the first kiss.

For some unpalatable reason, Seungkwan can’t come up with a topic that the two can discuss at the moment. He wants everything to be perfect but this unrealistic _pursuit of perfection_ is taking away the actual enjoyment out of the affair.

“If that is the case, what do you propose to mitigate this foreignness?”

“Well,” Junhui purses his lips and manages to look like the cutest being on the planet. “For starters, you are _too_ far away.” Seungkwan lets out a peal of laughter.

“Would it make you happy if I sat on your lap?” Seungkwan asks sarcastically. Although Junhui does not find the suggestion funny and looks at the younger with a serious expression.

“I would be honoured to have the opportunity to have you like that,” Junhui says. While the construction of his sentence makes it sound _satirical,_ the unwavering look on his face that seems to make the time come to a standstill has Seungkwan absolutely sure that Junhui is being sincere. “Let the world know that you are already spoken for. That you already _hold my heart.”_

Seungkwan looks at Junhui’s eyes, the brown saturated in them that reminds him of molten chocolate. It also reminds him of the nurturing soil. _Grounded. Reliable. Warm. Healing._

“If you want to, _that is.”_ Junhui quickly withdraws while looking down at his lap, shy eyes and unsure voice.

“I do,” Seungkwan says with a voice full of determination. “I want to be the only one that gets to hold your heart. And let you be the only one who holds mine.”

Junhui looks up with round eyes, his face expressing his disbelief. It makes Seungkwan come to a startling conclusion that seems too good to be true.

Seungkwan doesn’t think he’s just someone _needed_ by Junhui. He’s someone that is _desperately wanted_ by Junhui, and he doesn’t understand how to not hyperventilate at such a realisation. 

  
  


===

  
  


The joyful spirit of the evening remains _contagious_ with the pale stars _shivering_ in the night sky and the _bustling_ of romantics who come alive under the city lights. They say that most of the secrets reveal themselves in the dark of the night, hoping the stillness and shadows provide them with the courage and energy they need. Seungkwan and Junhui talk about everything — China, conscription, National Police Agency, Seoul National University, past lovers, dating, Jeju, religion, philosophy and science. It feels refreshing and Seungkwan’s brain is stimulated with so much activity that has him enthusiastically participating in conversations.

Soon their date comes to an end when Junhui drives them back to their apartment complex. Seungkwan offers to watch a film but Junhui declines humbly.

“I won’t be able to stop myself from crossing the line if we end up staying together for a longer time,” Junhui had said these words. Seungkwan wanted to argue and say that he doesn’t care about any line and just wants to be close to Junhui but the elder was persistent and their night _unfortunately_ now has to come to an end.

“Let me walk you home,” Junhui says as he puts his bike on the stand. 

“No, I’ll walk you home.” 

“I’m older.”

“I’m a police officer.”

“Fine,” Junhui agrees, muted chuckles following his affirmation. Seungkwan laughs with him, hiding the disappointment of separation in the lively sounds.

They slowly ascend the stairs to Junhui’s floor and in the privacy of the empty lobby, Seungkwan finds the courage in himself to reach out for the elder, his fingers slowly brushing with Junhui’s hands. The latter looks down at their hands, hovering barely inches apart. With a small smile, Junhui negates the distance and folds his hands over, letting their palms kiss. 

The thing is they’ve held hands before and Seungkwan has yearned for a deeper meaning behind the act and now when his dreams are finally manifesting into reality, he feels like the luckiest man in this world, finally having the thing he has coveted for so long in the _centre of his palms._

As they reach the door of Junhui’s apartment, the elder fishes out the keys with his free hand and unlocks the door. The door opens and Seungkwan realises this is the end. A part of him does not want to let go. He wants the night to continue, to prolong until sunrise. 

“This is where you drop me off Gyongjang-nim,” Junhui announces, not loosening his grip around Seungkwan’s hands. Looks like Seungkwan’s emotions are mirrored inside Junhui as well.

“Right.”

“Stop looking like a child whose favourite toy was taken,” Junhui chides.

“Don’t want to let you go,” Seungkwan whines, pursing his lips in the hopes that Junhui will melt.

“Seungkwan-ah?”

“What?”

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

_“What?”_ Seungkwan jerks and screams in a high-pitched voice, hardly believing that Junhui is serious right now.

“Would you mind?” Junhui looks at him with careful eyes, giving Seungkwan freedom to decline, giving Seungkwan air to breathe. Granted that Seungkwan wants to be _smothered_ by Junhui. Right about now.

“Kiss me now, Moon Junhwi,” Seungkwan demands with confidence.

Junhui looks at him again, always with the same calculating eyes masked behind his oblivious dissemble, trying to gauge everyone, observe everything to decide his actions. Then he pulls Seungkwan with their connected hands and leans down.

_Soft._ It is the softest thing Seungkwan has ever experienced.

The press of the lips is _vice-like_ yet Seungkwan only registers _balmy warmth_ materialise on his lips. Seungkwan raises his free hand and curls it around the back of Junhui’s nape, leaning back a little and letting the elder support his weight. He eagerly moves his own lips, reciprocating the kiss by feeling him, drinking him, memorising him and then kissing him again.

Seungkwan starts to feel dizzy but then Junhui pokes his tongue, and he’s alert again, opening his mouth and taking all that he can get. He’s hot all over, and he still desires to stick closer to Junhui. _Closer_ until their bodies melt and fuse into one. His heartbeat is so loud in his ears but there is a faint sound that doesn’t concur with his own heartbeat, and he is sure that it’s _Junhui's heart_ that he can hear, beating as fast as Seungkwan’s.

“I like you,” Junhui whispers as they pull away to breathe. The response formulates on the tip of Seungkwan’s tongue, but it instantly gets eaten by an overeager Junhui who chases his lips in another chain of passionate kisses.

Seungkwan moans as he starts to feel breathless and Junhui decides to grant him some kindness by pulling away to let him breathe.

“I like you, too,” Seungkwan breathes heavily. “I like you so much.” 

“I know,” Junhui grins, his lips glistening with saliva, both his and Seungkwan’s. The younger tries to pull him back but Junhui retreats and looks at him with apologetic eyes.

Before Seungkwan even knows what's happening, Junhui walks back quickly and then steps into his apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“Goodnight, Seungkwannie!” Junhui’s voice sounds muffled from the closed-door yet Seungkwan can discern the exuberance in his tone. 

Seungkwan should've seen this coming. Wen Junhui is a _bloody tease._ An _expert_ in giving people blue balls. A _specialist_ in leaving people high and dry. Which is a fucking travesty because Seungkwan wants Junhui to open his body and let the younger in his ocean to swim.

“Are you _serious?”_ Seungkwan barks in exasperation.

“Do you want me to _lose_ my self-control?”

“That’s like my _only wish_ in this world at the moment!”

“Well, unlucky for you, I’m a gentleman so see you tomorrow.”

“Yah Moon Junhwi!”

Seungkwan trudges back to his apartment after Junhui refuses to respond.

He knows he should be grateful because he knows how Junhui tastes.

_Sweet and sour,_ just like gamgyul that has coloured his heart into shades of citrine.

Yet Seungkwan thirsts for more.

  
  


===

  
  


Seungkwan gets more the very next night. 

Before that, he goes through the same old motions throughout the day. He wakes up to find Junhui gone from his apartment, his bike nowhere to be found in the compound. So for a change of pace, Seungkwan decides to go to the station because funnily enough, he _misses_ his job and colleagues. And switching off his phone every day to avoid people tracking him for the day was getting boring. 

He follows the same schedule of apologising to Jeonghan, filing some reports and jotting down potential clues for the investigation. Hangs out with Hansol, Soonyoung and Wonwoo for lunch. Goes on patrolling duty with Soonyoung and essentially spends his day without experiencing anything ground-breaking. 

By the time he comes back to his apartment, he finds Junhui’s motorcycle parked outside his apartment. An incessant voice inside his head _compels_ him to run towards Junhui, repudiate the distance between them, the magnetic pull drawing him towards the elder. He’s allowed now, isn’t he? To take what he wants from Junhui.

But he feels filthy and wants to divest himself out of his uniform. So he decides to take a shower first.

Seungkwan walks out of the shower in his pyjamas, rubbing his hair with the towel to dry it. The minute he thinks of calling Junhui from his window, the doorbell rings, and he drops the towel on his bed, quickly running towards the door because he knows, _he knows_ it's none other than the man he wants, he needs, he desires.

“Where were you in the morning?” Seungkwan asks with a wounded expression, modulating his voice to sound cute and absolutely in love. 

“I had to see Myungho,” Junhui says with a face that is so hard to read. But one easily conspicuous thing is the _ferocity_ in his eyes. The _devil_ resides in his eyes whose only desire seems to be hidden somewhere deep inside _Seungkwan’s abode._

“At least you could have informed me,” Seungkwan replies as his lips involuntarily peek out to wet his lips because he’s starting to feel thirsty, the heat getting to him. He feels atypically exposed under _Junhui’s fire._

Instead of replying, Junhui grips Seungkwan’s shoulder and pushes him deeper in the foyer, deeper and deeper until Seungkwan is pressed up against a wall in his living room and cornered, with nowhere to run or hide. 

Junhui leans down and draws a pattern by tracing the moles on Seungkwan’s face, starting from the three moles beside his left ear then moving on to the ones over the cheek, below the left eye and finally stopping beside the eye, dragging his finger down until the _softness_ of his pads rests on the _flesh_ of Seungkwan’s lips. The younger man lets out muted noises as he tries to stifle his moans.

Junhui brings his face closer to Seungkwan until his nose is buried to the side of his head and takes a deep breath in.

The heat is _burning_ Seungkwan up in flames.

“You smell so good,” Junhui whispers in a low voice.

“I just showered.” 

“I showered too before coming here.” Seungkwan can tell that because the scent of orange blossoms surround him, and he is drowning.

“Nice of you to take care of your hygiene.” Seungkwan may be burning up in flames of desire, but he would never let that circumstance take away his natural ability to rile Junhui up. _This is love._

“Don’t ruin the mood,” Junhui admonishes him quickly.

“Are we finally going to fuck?” Seungkwan asks with bright eyes, eagerness flowing in his speech.

“I like to call it making love because I’m a gentleman.”

“No, you’re not.”

Junhui pulls back and looks at Seungkwan with playfulness painted on his face. He looks so damn good, and it should be illegal. Seungkwan is going to arrest him and put him behind bars for being so handsome.

“Don’t you want me to be one?” Junhui asks. And Seungkwan considers this proposition for a second. He thinks of how kind Junhui is and how he makes him feel so good, makes him feel special. But Junhui is kind to him almost all the time. _Patient. Considerate. Haven._

Seungkwan is pretty sure a _wild animal_ hibernates inside him. And it's time to wake him up. 

“I want you to be wild and raw. Just be yourself.”

“I’m always kind though,” Junhui argues with a sneer on his lips. Seungkwan would like to agree to disagree.

“Objection, your honour!”

“The objection is overruled.” Junhui slides his hand down Seungkwan’s arms, grabbing his hand and bringing it to his mouth to leave a kiss, _so tender and soft,_ on the back of the younger man’s hand. The gesture feels so pleasant and Seungkwan is blinded by Junhui’s grace.

“You are the only one who brings out this wild side in me and I don’t understand it.”

Junhui’s words fall on Seungkwan’s heart like honey and milk — _sweet and pure._ It’s like a confession. Another way of saying how special Seungkwan is and how he is the only one who can pull off his mask. 

“Wanna completely unleash it?” Seungkwan challenges with a smirk. “I want to see you. See you for who you _really_ are. Wanna take _everything_ from you hyung,” Seungkwan drops his words like bombs, powerful and lethal. “Won’t you give it to me?”

Junhui’s face unfurls like a flower does when the rays of the sun hit it. He glows with the cognizance of permission and effectively ends their vapid argument by placing his hands around Seungkwan’s hips and picking him up effortlessly. The latter shrieks from being taken off-guard and then wraps his legs around Junhui’s waist out of instinct, letting the elder guide him towards the bedroom with a dopey smile on his lips. He’s a dork, but he’s _Seungkwan’s dork_ and Seungkwan might love that a lot.

Junhui gently lays Seungkwan on the bed and follows him, leaning over him and admiring the contours of Seungkwan’s face. The latter impatiently tugs at Junhui’s collar and for the love of all that is _divine and right,_ Seungkwan finally gets to kiss Junhui.

Junhui is all over him, his weight grounding Seungkwan, shielding Seungkwan, torturing Seungkwan. The kiss is tame, all closed-mouth and light, but it is something and the press of two plush and moist lips against each other feels eternally divine. Junhui stubbornly chooses gentleness, carefully caressing Seungkwan’s cheeks and holding him like he’s a fragile statue that will break easily.

“You know my ego has been soaring through the roof since you said you’ve liked me for so long,” Junhui admits shamelessly after pulling back. His eyes are glazed over and his face is adorned by a pretty red.

“With the way you used to act, I thought you always knew I was interested in you.”

“Well, I thought you found me attractive and wanted to maybe blow me behind in the alleyway, but I wasn’t aware that you had affectionate feelings,” Junhui’s answers without a filter over his mouth and Seungkwan snorts from the _absurdity_ of his assumption. 

“You are unbelievable!” Seungkwan exclaims in wonder.

“You adore it,” Junhui claims Seungkwan’s lips again and licks away the retort on Seungkwan’s tongue. Junhui effortlessly succeeds in infiltrating Seungkwan’s kingdom and sits on his throne without putting up a fight.

Warmth bursts inside his solar plexus as Seungkwan reaches for more, skimming his hands over the hard planes of Junhui’s back and letting the dopamine make him feel good and giddy.

They kiss. Kiss for what feels like _hours, days, months, years, even decades._ Seungkwan’s body starts thrumming with energy and euphoria as his lips get slicker and wetter with spit. He needs more, _so much more_ than he is receiving. It’s a selfish thought, but he wants to be selfish with Junhui. He feels like Junhui is the only person he can be himself with. Uncover himself completely without any regrets.

“I’m gonna touch you,” Junhui announces then he retracts back on his statement. “Can I touch you?” 

“I would love–” Seungkwan pants while clutching Junhui's arms. “Love it if you fuck me before the day resets.” 

“Where is the lube?” Junhui rolls his hips and Seungkwan _moans,_ his heart hammering inside his chest. He’s so madly lost in pleasure that he doesn’t even understand Junhui’s question.

“Huh?”

“Lube. Grease job. Something that’ll make you wet, darling,” Junhui elaborates. _Too much_ elaboration in Seungkwan’s humble opinion.

“It’s in the bottom drawer of my night-stand.” Junhui pulls his body up and gets off the bed. 

“Strip,” Junhui commands as he crouches and fumbles the contents of Seungkwan’s drawers.

“How romantic of you,” Seungkwan tosses back while he starts to remove his clothes and throws them to the other corner of the room. 

“I try my best.”

Junhui probably has superpowers that numb a person’s mind in his proximity because as Seungkwan gets separated by the elder man and gets time to come down from his high and think, he _realises_ something disadvantageous. Along with lube and a few packets of condoms, there are also some toys _designed_ to aid Seungkwan in achieving bliss without the need of the second party. Basically, there are two dildos in that drawer as well.

“Have you ever,” Junhui starts to speak pensively. _Fuck._ “Rode one of these while thinking of me, Seungkwannie?”

Seungkwan won’t let him tease anymore. So what if he has? Instead of combusting over a time when he jerked with a dildo up his ass thinking of Junhui, he’s going to enjoy the real thing.

“Are you jealous of a dildo?” This is probably a ridiculous retort, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Naturally, Junhui laughs but abruptly stops. Seungkwan turns around to find Junhui gawking at the former and something _melts_ inside his stomach. 

“You are so _beautiful,_ Seungkwan-ah.” Junhui looks at him reverently. This all is turning out to be _better_ than Seungkwan’s fantasies.

“Hyung,” he calls him shyly. There is a sense of shame encircling his being as he sits naked in the middle of his bed getting admired like a masterpiece by Junhui. It’s not entirely intimate and Seungkwan knows he’s not an exhibitionist, but it’s Junhui and all his boundaries have _blurred out_ and walls have _crumbled down._

Junhui briskly pulls his shirt above his head and Seungkwan draws in a shaky breath. Junhui is lean and muscular, golden skin splattered with bewitching moles. There is an aching urge to _touch and feel_ the smoothness, _memorise_ the texture and leave _marks_ that’ll signify that for the night, Junhui belongs to Seungkwan and _only him._

The elder man quickly scrabbles for a packet of condom from his pants and puts it on the side of the bed, tucking his pants down after. He eagerly jumps on the bed and once again, looms over Seungkwan’s body.

The first touch is tentative–over the ridges of his stomach and Seungkwan whimpers from the cold touch, closing his eyes automatically.

“So soft,” Junhui muses in a daze. His fingers wander all over, light pressure over Seungkwan’s body remaining a constant that leaves him in perpetual bliss. Junhui’s hand glides over Seungkwan’s legs, and he gasps.

“You shave?” 

“I– I shaved on the morning of September 18th,” Seungkwan replies, redness spreading down to his chest. “I shave often because I like the smooth feeling.” 

_“Fuck,_ you are perfect,” Junhui exclaims, his palms sliding down Seungkwan’s smooth legs, pulling one of them up and resting it on his shoulder. Junhui leaves a kiss over Seungkwan’s ankles, a deferential act that _twists_ something inside Seungkwan’s chest.

“You have pretty ankles.”

A thought pops inside Seungkwan’s mind where he thinks if Junhui is a generally kind man then he is surely going to be a _kind lover._ A person who showers their partner with dedication and attention. A bird starts to flutter restlessly inside Seungkwan’s chest, trying to fly towards Junhui.

“Seungkwan-ah?”

“Huh?”

“I am going to apologise in advance.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you want to fuck right now, but I have wanted this for a _very long time_ and I plan to worship you at the moment.”

Crimson honey is being poured over Seungkwan’s head that is _transformed_ from Junhui’s words. 

Seungkwan has never experienced love in this form. Junhui keeps dropping praises after praises.

_“You look so pretty like this.”_

_“I can find heaven in between your thighs.”_

_“Seungkwan-ah, I’m so lucky to have you in my arms right now.”_

_“Your lips are so sweet.”_

_“I’m so addicted to all the things you do and the sounds you make.”_

Seungkwan writhes and gasps as Junhui _decorates_ his body, _leaves_ marks of his passionate love and _tattoos_ his presence behind.

“Darling has someone ever told you that your ass is a god’s gift to our realm?” Junhui asks in between his task of sucking over Seungkwan’s nipple.

“Ah stop flirting, Moon– _oh fuck!_ Junhwi!” Seungkwan manages while losing his goddamn mind. Junhui laps lewdly over Seungkwan’s chest before pulling back completely. The string of saliva stretches from his lips as he composes his expression and looks at the younger man with blank eyes.

“Okay then. I’m turning you over because I gotta have my dessert for the day,” Junhui deadpans.

There is the intention of a protest forming inside Seungkwan’s brain, but he’s too slow and already on his stomach, his hips raised and pulled back roughly by Junhui. A pillow gets tossed beside his head and Seungkwan drags it towards himself, using it to rest his head. 

“You want this? Rough sex, yeah?” Junhui’s voice comes from behind Seungkwan, deep and domineering. “I’ll give you what you _need._ You’ll never want anyone else.” 

Warm hand glides over Seungkwan’s asscheeks, and he groans into the pillow, the pleasure starting to rapidly flow in his veins. Junhui spreads them carefully, squeezing and feeling them as if he’s checking the authenticity of Seungkwan’s luscious ass. Then without any warning, he dives in.

_“Fuck!”_ Seungkwan mumbles into the pillow as he feels a wet stripe up his perineum. There are a few light kisses on his ass along with a couple bruising ones first. It helps Seungkwan get used to the feeling, helps calm his nerves. He gets a few tame licks on his rim which is followed by Junhui spreading him with his finger and thumb. 

“Wow, so pink,” Junhui says more to himself, but it leaves behind a delightful feeling inside Seungkwan which is accompanied by modesty.

Junhui spits over Seungkwan’s rim, so he can insert his finger and stretch it open and the younger man can’t believe he’s _terribly turned on_ by this filthy action. It’s a mind-rupturing process as Junhui slowly probes his tongue inside, licking it flat with his hot tongue. Seungkwan grips the sheets below him tightly, his hips twitching with every lick, his stomach tightening from the pleasure building inside.

The teasing licking quickly transforms into deliberate pointy prodding, the soft muscle dragging against the twitching walls.

“Hyung, so good,” Seungkwan moans. Junhui eats him like he was born to do it, his tongue lapping and sucking, and his mouth making content and pleased hums. The wet noises bounce off the walls of his room, Junhui’s saliva dripping down his perineum, reaching his thighs. With every deep thrust, Seungkwan digs his nails deeper into the bed, rocking back eagerly. 

Junhui’s finger comes beside his tongue and suddenly, Seungkwan is getting prepped while being eaten out, the multiple stimulations driving him crazy.

“You look so _lovely_ like this, Seungkwan-ah. Wish you could look at yourself,” Junhui says breathlessly. Seungkwan tries to imagine how he looks — lying on his stomach, his body flushed pink with red marks blooming everywhere, the layer of sweat and spit all over his body, his ass presented to Junhui, his hair dishevelled and tousled and his body desperately shuddering from euphoric stimulations. He looks sexy and he knows it. 

Junhui pulls his mouth back and fetches the bottle of lube, pouring the cold liquid over Seungkwan’s rim. The younger man shivers from the tingling sensation and then suffers a whiplash when Junhui roughly inserts two fingers in.

_“Fuck,_ too much.”

“This is what you,” Junhui’s fingers pick up speed, and he huffs in between his words. It’s Seungkwan who is getting stretched and losing his senses from the pleasure but along with him, it is Junhui who is panting and losing his coolness. “You wanted to unleash.”

“That’s all you’ve got?” Seungkwan’s big mouth will be the _cause_ of his ruination tonight and there is nothing he can do about it.

Junhui climbs over him and grips Seungkwan’s shoulder with one hand, driving his third finger in and letting Seungkwan get used to them first.

“This is only foreplay,” Junhui whispers over the shell of his ears, the hot breath _worsening_ his already burning ears.

“Yet you are strung and frantic to fuck me.” 

Seungkwan is aware that people usually exchange sweet nothings and romantic words in the _hour of intimacy._ That's what lovers do according to the consensus anyway. But in Seungkwan’s eyes, there needs to be a crazy amount of spices (no, he’s not being biased just because Junhui is a spice-lover/freak) that keeps the partners on the tip of their toes. In Seungkwan and Junhui’s case, what is love if not bickering all the time — half the time out of the concern and the other half trying to tame the other?

_It’s the classic definition of love in the age of digitisation, mechanisation and innovation._

Junhui ignores Seungkwan for the time being and drives his finger deeper and deeper with a purpose instead. Junhui is still wearing his briefs and using four fingers to prep Seungkwan. The latter has _never_ been fingered by four, and he tries to remember the brand of condom that is placed at the other end of the bed while simultaneously getting his brains fucked out. In his foggy memories, he remembers a black packet and then suddenly it hits him. 

It’s a _magnum._ Seungkwan has never been with a man who used magnum. Hell, he isn’t big enough for a magnum. Seungkwan realises he’s getting ripped a new one tonight, and he’s nervous now.

“What happened?” Junhui asks as he stops moving his fingers and turns Seungkwan’s face with the other hand. Seungkwan doesn't meet his eyes.

“Nothing.”

“Seungkwan-ah.”

“I want to _see you.”_ Seungkwan thinks it's better if he sees the thing first before coming down to ludicrous conclusions. Junhui slowly removes his fingers and gently turns his body over. Like this, Seungkwan somehow feels more exposed. Earlier having his face buried in the pillow was giving him an _illusion_ of being hidden away. Now he can only look at the object of his affection, the man who happens to be the _light of his life_ and the _fire of his groin_ and notice a considerably huge tent forming in front of his briefs. 

“Better?” Junhui’s eyes drip with unbidden concern.

“No, remove your underwear!” Junhui’s face changes from concerned to annoyed in seconds and then Seungkwan swears he sees a _flash of red_ reflect in his eyes. 

Junhui, who kneels in between Seungkwan’s open legs dips his thumbs inside the waistband and then slowly pulls them down, letting his raging boner stand tall and free against his stomach. Now that’s what Seungkwan would like to categorise as, with all intents and purposes, _monster cock._

“Fuck me, are you serious? That’s _not fitting_ inside me, Moon Junhwi!” Junhui freezes, amused. 

Then he leans down and kisses Seungkwan without saying anything, letting the younger man taste himself on Junhui’s tongue. There isn’t much difference, the sweet and sour still dominating with the addition of a tinge of bitterness in the palette. Seungkwan feels the four fingers slipping inside his rim again and this time, it's _harsher._ Seungkwan screams but the sound drowns inside Junhui’s mouth.

“Don’t you have a size kink?” Junhui asks with mirth swirling in his eyes.

_“Absolutely not!”_

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle,” Junhui assures him. And then he curls his finger and with a single brush of his fingers, Seungkwan is yelling, already _forgetting_ what he wanted to convey.

“You’re beautiful, _so amazing_ like this. Soft.” Junhui closes his mouth around Seungkwan’s nipple and holds him down when he tries to jump off from too much stimulation.

“Please, _ah,_ please, _please!”_ Seungkwan whines. Junhui removes his fingers and gets off Seungkwan, bending down to grab his shirt and wiping his fingers clean with it. He grabs the condom and Seungkwan doesn’t see anything but hears the loud noise of tearing and stretching of rubber. Then when Seungkwan finally raises his head to watch, he sees Junhui holding a bottle of lube, pouring a dollop on his palm and smearing the liquid over his swollen dick. 

“If it gets too much, just swallow your pride and be upfront about it for your own welfare, yeah?”

Yeah, that is _not happening._ Seungkwan has reasons for not letting Junhui have the gratification of possibly being his best fuck but they all seem petty and hence won’t admit to the elder man. The day resets anyway, and he’ll wake up without any traces of participating in bedroom fuckery. Though, the thought makes his heart sink inside his chest because he _wants the possibility_ of waking up next to Junhui, _warm in his arms._

Junhui finally crowds Seungkwan and grips his cock, nudging the tip to Seungkwan’s wet, fluttering opening. Junhui is barely an inch in and Seungkwan already _can’t believe it._ He raises his head from the sharp breach and breathes heavily. Junhui, the sweet human he is, takes his time and keeps showering Seungkwan with compliments and reassurances. Seungkwan pulls Junhui closer by curling his hands around in his hair and looks him in the eyes.

The _sensual fire_ blazes in Junhui’s almost black eyes that burns Seungkwan down to his core. It seems like Seungkwan has been burning ever since Junhui stepped inside his threshold tonight. 

Seungkwan’s muscles stretch around Junhui’s cock and the pain is so delightful, making him whimper for more because he feels so _aroused and filled._

“Fuck, you’re big,” Seungkwan drawls, his drool slipping out from the corner of his mouth. 

“You’re so warm and tight, _fuck!_ Just perfect for me,” Junhui says as he drives in inch by inch. Pathetically slow. Seungkwan is going to die from _blue balls_ tonight and that is something he’s not very keenly looking forward to.

“Put it– it all in,” Seungkwan breathes, fanning Junhui’s face in the process. Junhui looks at him with knitted brows, studies Seungkwan’s face for a moment, until he buries his face in the younger man’s neck and thrusts in, completely bottoming out at once. 

Seungkwan naturally _screams and claws_ Junhui’s back in pain, his legs thrashing relentlessly under the other man. Junhui tries to keep him still by shifting all his body weight over Seungkwan to hold him tight and close. Seungkwan absolutely _rejoices_ in this level of intimacy.

“Satisfied?”

“Greatly,” Seungkwan answers with a sated smile on his face as he feels the hot and hard cock inside him, knowing that Junhui has made a _place for himself_ inside Seungkwan.

“Fuck me,” Seungkwan rasps after he gets used to the stretch. “No–” He tilts Junhui’s head towards him and looks at him with lovesick eyes. _“Love me,_ hyung. Show me that you love me.” 

Junhui closes the distance between them and presses a few kisses over Seungkwan’s lips, _reverent and messy._ Then he slowly pulls back and thrusts in. Very carefully, he develops a rhythm and Seungkwan curls his toe as the pleasure builds inside him.

Junhui pulls one of Seungkwan’s legs and locks it over his back, changing the angle of his thrusts and _oh,_ Seungkwan feels the tip brushing against his prostate and all his pride shatters away as he screams Junhui’s name.

“There, _fuck!_ Jun hyung, _more!_ Faster! Me– fuck– _ah,”_ Seungkwan blabbers incoherently.

Junhui pulls one of Seungkwan’s hands from the back of his neck and intertwines them, increasing his pace and slamming forcefully. Seungkwan starts to feel the need to come, his orgasm hitting him like a sudden high tide. He clenches around Junhui’s dick up his ass and mewls for _more and more_ until he is painted red with Junhui’s love for eternity.

Seungkwan finally lets go of the intricately twisted vines and watches them wrap around Junhui, around his limbs and torso, slowly and delicately. _Red roses and tulips_ start to bloom from the closed buds and Junhui looks _ethereally beautiful,_ wrapped in the flowers of Seungkwan’s love.

The loud wet noise of balls slapping against his ass along with the pleasurable ramming finally brings Seungkwan to the edge. He wraps his hand around his erect dick and starts stroking it weakly. Seungkwan’s body _throbs_ from the pleasure, and he isn’t sure what happens next.

Seungkwan and Junhui both come together, their moans and groans lost in the bruising kiss and their hands still interlocked together in a vice grip. Seungkwan’s head stays up in the cloud from the afterglow of his orgasm and he melts back into the sheets with a _satiated smile_ on his face. 

After a long while, Junhui finally pulls out and Seungkwan carefully reaches for his rim, trying to gauge how much he was stretched. He weakly encircles his rim and gasps from shock.

“Fucking hell, I was just fucked by a _monster!”_ Seungkwan croaks, having exhausted his vocal cord in screaming and moaning. Junhui grunts in return as he stands on his wobbly feet.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you asked for it.” 

“No, I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Seungkwan rejects the allegation. 

“Oh, so now we pretend you weren’t _begging_ half the time? Got it.” Junhui casually shoots Seungkwan with a thumbs up and walks into the washroom to throw away the condom and wash himself. The younger man rolls his eyes in return.

Junhui comes back with a washcloth and gently cleans Seungkwan up, using the dry end to desiccate the wet spots on the bed. 

“Come to bed!” Seungkwan whines. Junhui obliges and tucks himself next to Seungkwan, clinging to him and claiming to steal all his warmth. Seungkwan secretly _enjoys_ the closeness.

They eventually find their respective comfortable positions, with Junhui laying on his back and Seungkwan on his stomach, using Junhui’s arm as his pillow.

“Are you sleepy?” Junhui asks.

It’s like Junhui’s question triggers a yawn for Seungkwan, and he answers after taking one. “Yeah.”

“Can I say something?” Seungkwan hums, leaving a kiss over Junhui’s bicep.

“I can’t remember the _exact_ moment it happened, but I fell _in love_ with you when you started to feel _like home,”_ Junhui says it like it's the simplest thing in the world, and he didn’t just declare something _monumental,_ something so _powerful_ that is capable of bringing Seungkwan down on his knees.

“You lo-love me?” Seungkwan asks with big, round eyes. Junhui slowly turns his head towards Seungkwan and his face shows no emotion, but his eyes gleam in the darkness lit by the pale moonlight. In shades of blue and grey, his eyes look _warm and soft._

“Don’t you?”

There are a lot of words Seungkwan can choose to say here. Affirmation, deflection, dismissal or confession. Instead, he quickly jumps forward and kisses Junhui, claims those lips for himself and takes everything from him, giving all of himself in return.

“I love you,” Seungkwan confesses in between kisses. “Love you _so damn much,_ hyung. I love you.” 

They both laugh, it’s turbulent and full of tears. It’s real. _Everything is real._

They found their paradisiacal reality inside the labyrinth of time.

Seungkwan is _happy. Ecstatic._ Beaming with _joy and hope._

For a long time, Seungkwan has been wishing to wake up to a new tomorrow but now, he thinks he's done chasing tomorrow. He is finally content with his present and his circumstance and he can live like this _forever._

  
  


===

  
  


_Seungkwan walks on a lonely road and sings ‘Be my baby’ by Wonder Girls, the song being his only companion. He doesn’t know where he is going, but he feels excellent like he can conquer anything as if he has just received a medal from the President._

_On his way, something shiny corrupts his vision, and he decides to investigate the reason behind his momentary irritation. He doesn’t have to look too far off as he finds a piece of shiny metal dropped on the corner of the curb. Without thinking of it much, he crouches down and examines the piece. It’s a gold ring, encrusted with diamonds and rubies. A very expensive piece of jewellery. Some poor soul must’ve dropped it._

_A normal person would probably walk away with the ring in their hand, thinking it's their lucky day. But Seungkwan is an honest police officer and today has been the worst day of the year._

_“Excuse me!” Seungkwan yells at the top of his lungs. “Did someone drop something precious?” His speech is slurred, his head feeling a bit mushy. He persists and keeps on yelling in the empty street, announcing that he is indeed standing with something important. Essentially painting himself as a potential candidate to be mugged by a thief. Seungkwan isn’t scared because he is a police officer._

_“Oh, kind gentleman.” Seungkwan hears a gruff voice from behind him and turns around to come face to chest with a tall man. “You found my ring!”_

_Seungkwan has probably died and is somewhere in heaven right now because the man in front of him is not a human. The man has smouldering eyes and his face looks like it was personally sculpted by the gods. He is wearing a suit and tie and Seungkwan can still make out that he pumps iron like a rat. He is extremely handsome and looks at Seungkwan with gentle and kind eyes._

_“Is this yours?” Seungkwan extends the ring towards the man with a raised eyebrow._

_“Yes! I thought I had lost it because I keep on losing my things and really thought I would never find it. After all, you know how people are nowadays. But wow! Maybe there are still good people left on this planet after all,” he exclaims excitedly and Seungkwan notices that he has sharp canines._

_Seungkwan warily hands over the ring to the man, in all honesty, entranced with his presence._

_“What is your name, kind man?” The tall man asks._

_“Seungkwan.”_

_“Oh, a noble name. I am Mingyu, nice to meet you!” Mingyu bows down and Seungkwan follows awkwardly._

_Mingyu carefully studies Seungkwan for a second and then frowns._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Huh?”_

_“You’ve suffered a lot today, haven’t you?” Mingyu asks with a soothing voice and Seungkwan strangely feels all his repressed emotions overflowing from his chest._

_“I– today– worst–” Seungkwan hiccups in between his words, a sob bubbling in the base of his throat._

_“There, there. Why don’t you sit and tell me what's bothering you.” Mingyu directs them towards a pristine bench made out of shiny silver-coloured metal that Seungkwan doesn’t remember being placed there before._

_He still sits on the bench and after shedding a few tears, narrates how his day went, starting from the rat pantomime and how he hurt his neighbour accidentally to how his senior thrashed him and basically told him that he is replaceable._

_“The worst thing is that I’ve been nursing this massive crush on Junhwi-ssi for so long, and now I’ve lost my chances of ever scoring a date with him,” Seungkwan laments passionately and Mingyu assuages Seungkwan’s mood by lightly rubbing his back._

_“This Junhwi-ssi, is he very important to you?” Mingyu asks attentively._

_“Very. You don’t understand how nice he is. He is everything good in this world. He is my sunshine in the morning.” Because every day, Seungkwan chooses to look at Junhui before he looks at the sun._

_Mingyu nods and pensively looks up in the sky. Seungkwan bemusedly follows his gaze and looks up at the starry night sky. He’s still not sure what Mingyu is trying to find there and whether he should accompany him in his search._

_“You’ve shown me kindness, Seungkwan and you deserve something in return from me,” Mingyu replies, benevolence peeking from behind his words._

_“I don’t think that’s necess–”_

_“If you could have another chance to relive this day, would you try to make things right?” Mingyu turns to look at Seungkwan and the latter thinks again that this person doesn’t look like an average person at all. He’s just too handsome._

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Would you like to have the opportunity to right all your wrongs?” Mingyu clarifies his words. Seungkwan tries to decipher the meaning behind them. And then he snorts and rolls his eyes._

_“Are you saying I can relive this day and avoid all the unfortunate events? Yeah, right. That’s impossible,” Seungkwan dismisses Mingyu’s proposal with a mocking sneer on his face._

_“Nothing is impossible, Seungkwan,” Mingyu continues. “You can relive this day again and again until you finally end up with the thing you desire the most.”_

_“Why are you pulling my leg? This is what I get in return for my kindness? Are you making a mockery out of me?” Seungkwan looks at Mingyu with a wounded expression. It’s just his luck to get ridiculed by a stranger perhaps._

_“Not at all. I’m giving you something that humans can’t even fathom. A chance. Didn’t you say Junhwi-ssi was important to you? I’m giving you this once in seven lifetimes opportunity to show him how much he means to you.”_

_Junhui is just his neighbour, and they are practically strangers. What can Seungkwan even do here? How can he make Junhui his by reliving this day? This is ridiculous. Seungkwan is an idiot for even considering it. He’s in too deep. There is no escape from Wen Junhui’s grace._

_Fuck it._

_“Okay. Let’s see what you got boy,” Seungkwan challenges Mingyu with his whole chest puffed with pride._

_Mingyu seems shocked by Seungkwan’s words but composes himself quickly._

_“I wasn’t supposed to stay here for long, but I guess it would be very dishonourable of me to not return the favour. I think I can roam this place for a little longer,” Mingyu says with a gentle smile on his handsome face. Seungkwan doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say._

_Mingyu stands still and closes his eyes, muttering something incoherent under his breath. Seungkwan feels gusts of strong wind swipe past his body, the fallen leaves rustling around him quietly. Seungkwan stands dumbfounded with his current environment and thinks that maybe he is dreaming. Of course, it has to be a dream._

_The winds abruptly stop and the leaves lay strewn around Seungkwan. Mingyu opens his eyes and looks at Seungkwan with a relaxed expression._

_“I will see you on the other side, Seungkwan. Good luck.”_

_And after conveying those words, he turns around and starts walking away from Seungkwan, his footsteps getting fainter as his appearance fades into the darkness of the night._

_Shortly after, Seungkwan loses consciousness and falls to the ground._

===

  
  


This is supposed to be the part where Seungkwan wakes up in his clothes again, staring at his ceiling — _lonely and cold._ Well supposed to be because apparently, it isn’t.

Seungkwan wakes up naked, his whole body plastered to Junhui’s equally naked body as he opens his eyes to inches and inches of golden skin _glowing_ in his room, the sunlight beaming through his curtains and _kissing_ Junhui. And surprisingly enough, he remembers the _weird dream_ from last night vividly. It’s almost as if all of it happened once upon a time. Almost as if he met an unrealistically handsome man and divulged his deepest, darkest secrets. Almost as if–

Seungkwan wriggles his body out of Junhui’s arms and reaches for his phone placed on the night-stand. 

_September 20._

Sunday, September 20.

Seungkwan thinks he might fall apart. Or probably throw up as he starts to feel sick to his stomach. He carefully gets out of his bed and feels the sharp sting in his lower back. 

“Ah!” He hisses in pain and tries to wrap his head around everything. And almost a second later, he hears the sound of his doorbell ringing.

Seungkwan haphazardly wears whatever he finds tossed on his way out first and fixes his hair.

He opens his door to find the man who eerily resembles Mingyu from his dreams. No, scratch that. It is _Mingyu from his dream._ Or was it really a dream? 

Mingyu holds out an envelope in his hand and extends it towards Seungkwan with a jovial smile on his face.

“Delivery in the name of Boo Seungkwan.” Seungkwan wordlessly takes the envelope. _“Congratulations!_ I’ll be taking my leave from this realm now. It was nice knowing you, _kind human.”_

Seungkwan just stands there, his mouth open and closing like a fish who strayed onto the shore. Mingyu turns around and walks down the lobby until he takes a turn to descent downstairs. 

Still, in his state of shock, Seungkwan closes the door and rips open the envelope to retrieve a folded piece of paper. Unable to hold on to the suspense, Seungkwan unfolds the letter and reads it in his foyer.

_As you read this, there may be infinite questions spiralling in your head. Sometimes, it is easier to accept an undefined surreality than to have a solid answer. When the time would be by your side, the answers will find you on your own. Until then, celebrate this attainment and normalcy. I am happy to see you finally made it to this side. Your union with Junhwi is blessed._

Damn.

The paper in Seungkwan’s hand shakes as his hands tremble from millions of emotions toiling in his body. 

“Seungkwan-ah?”

He quickly crumples the paper in his hand and hides them in his shoe cabinet, slapping his face to control his emotions. It’s useless though because, for a very obvious reason, _Seungkwan is ecstatic._

They made it out. Made it out of the weird time-warp loop shit and Seungkwan even _knows_ the reason why it happened. 

The _gist of it all_ is that he met a deity, showed him kindness and got rewarded for it in the form of getting stuck in a time-loop with his object of affection.

Yeah, Seungkwan just got together with Junhui, and he isn’t very interested in _risking_ his newfound happiness by being candid with his lover. He’s going to keep his _mouth shut_ and lie. 

He walks to the living room to find a topless Junhui standing with a comical expression on his face, his pants hanging very, _very low._ Seungkwan wonders if this is what they call morning arousal.

“We–” Junhui is at a fair loss of words. He has no answers. Seungkwan has a very vague perception of how things went. It’s all good in the hood. At least that’s what Seungkwan tries to tell himself.

“Moon Junhwi! We did it!” Seungkwan cheerfully rejoices but somehow his voice cracks. 

“How? What finally broke the cycle?” Junhui asks urgently. Seungkwan thinks words will fail him at the moment so he just quietly shrugs back and prays that Junhui doesn’t focus too much on details. But if there is something he has learnt in these past few months, it's that Junhui is _always_ focusing on the details even when it looks like he’s blissfully walking in ignorance.

“You.” Junhui squints his eyes and looks at Seungkwan suspiciously. “You’re hiding something.”

_Fuck._

“No!” Seungkwan quickly denies, striding towards him with intention of giving him a jubilant hug, but then he stops in his tracks when he realises Junhui is naked and _wow,_ this is new territory for Seungkwan, and he has never done this before. Like just the thought of running his hands over the smooth golden skin littered with moles has him _combusting_ from self-consciousness.

“Ah,” Seungkwan makes a sound from the bottom of his throat, confused and utterly amazed. “Aren’t you happy?”

“I– of course, I’m h-happy!” Junhui stutters and Seungkwan finds him cute. The elder breaks into a beatific smile, and he glows. Morning has finally broken, the new day has finally _dawned_ upon them. 

  
  


“Well, umm, hyung?”

“What?”

“Celebratory make out?” Seungkwan asks timorously. Junhui’s face slowly turns from joyful to pensive. And then, he nods his head and closes the gap.

In an eerily familiar fashion, Seungkwan gets trapped against the wall and gets his mouth ravished by Junhui. He tastes a little bit of sleep but the _citrusy sweetness_ remains dominant, and he drowns in Junhui, letting the intense heat of passion lick up the walls.

_This is home._

This is where Seungkwan wants to begin and this is where he needs to end — _in Junhui’s arm, warm and loved._

Junhui pulls back and looks at Seungkwan with the eyes of a man who loves him. September 20th is already proving as one of the _best days_ of this year.

“Seungkwannie, I know you’re hiding something from me and as your _lover_ now, I’m gonna exploit my privileges and uncover the secrets that you’re keeping one of these days,” Junhui declares in an innocuous tone. 

That declaration concludes a few things for Seungkwan. _One,_ of course, Junhui figured out that he is hiding something critical from the former. _Two,_ he is now Junhui’s lover and the notion of it spreads warmth inside his belly. _Three,_ Junhui is going to use dirty tactics to dig the secret and the worst part is that Seungkwan is weak for the elder and will probably lose this game that hasn’t even started yet. 

Whatever be the case, Seungkwan won’t go down without a fight and if a challenge is something Junhui _wants from him_ then challenge is what _he will get._

For now, Seungkwan has to _annihilate the empire_ of a church-going, steel company owner who is walking freely in the streets of Incheon and put him behind the bars.

But all that can wait for another hour or two because Seungkwan has more important matters to entertain. Like getting down on his knees and _worshipping_ Junhui just the way he used to fantasise in another reality whose memories will _always remain_ with him. 

Seungkwan beseechingly pulls Junhui towards the bathroom while removing his clothes. Junhui complies easily and lets himself be guided with a loopy grin on his face.

Laughter echoes in the tiled-bathroom, and it sounds like the _most beautifully_ orchestrated symphony in the world and everything seems _right. Favourable. Peaceful. Home._

Tomorrow is finally here and Seungkwan finally got the man of his dreams.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! ♥  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/redsyub) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/redsyub)


End file.
